Some nitpicks: the sprites look way too small, transitions are maybe a bit too fast in general, and though the minimalism compels me in a big way, I think the car trip portion could have used more frequent background changes to mark the point where the story opens up both in terms of geography and character psychology. But in the same breath, I will say that the unique, evocative presentation does feel strong enough to excuse a couple of rough edges.
Even better, the script is simply excellent. It does feel a bit lengthy for what it is on paper, but there are enough nice details and payoffs throughout to create the impression that things are happening constantly. The POV shift halfway through is a smart move; as a slight curveball, it gives the plot a lot of momentum, and changing the roles like that feels like an essential piece for getting the most out of the voyeuristic premise. The prose is exceptionally good, too. There are a lot of sharp lines, the voices establish themselves very fast, and it plays with the sense of being narrated in a way that's always a pleasure to see.
On the whole, very good. It's 50 % fresh ideas and 50 % rock-solid craft – basically everything you would want from a game jam submission.