Skip to main content

On Sale: GamesAssetsToolsTabletopComics
Indie game storeFree gamesFun gamesHorror games
Game developmentAssetsComics
SalesBundles
Jobs
TagsGame Engines
(+2)

It's hard for me to even know where to start with this one, but wow.

There's so much of this that really speaks to me, and not just as someone who's gay living in the UK. The way you handled the theme of toxic masculinity as an underlying force throughout the novel that claims to help men but only really serves to hurt & punish them while making them to lash out at those around them was impeccable, and the ending was a perfect mix of never feeling predictable while still staying true to the story that had come before it.

I'm actually quite a fan of the art style, personally. It took some getting used to but you did an excellent job conveying emotions with nothing but the photorealistic eyes, and despite the somewhat off-kilter look the characters manage to remain recognisable regardless. Hell, even if I didn't like the designs, the writing alone would be enough for me to stay attached to them; the main cast do a great job in their roles, and even when they're not acting particularly 'likeable' it's always in a way that improves the story and makes me want to read more rather than less.

Overall, I definitely think it was the right call to make Hartland the main POV over Carter; while I'm sure a window into Carter's thought process throughout the story would've been fascinating in its own right, I feel like Hartland would've felt a little bland without us being able to see his thoughts throughout, not to mention that him being an 'outsider' to the area itself helps add an extra layer to the borderline cultish vibe of scenes like the one after the gym workout that fits what the story is going for perfectly.

Overall, if I have any real criticisms it'd be that there's a couple typos here & there and it feels as though Lee gets shafted from the story somewhat after building up what feels like it's going to be an arc during the first half, but I can understand that both of these things are most likely the result of the game jam limitations than anything else.

While I'm a bit exhausted after the whole thing turned out to be a lot longer than I expected (......if you'll excuse the phrasing) I'm definitely glad I picked this one out as one of my first Novembuck projects to try.

(1 edit) (+2)

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I do agree with your criticism, I do need to do another pass on typos and I believe character names; and yes, in original plans Lee had a much bigger role (even deciding whether to go by Lee, Theo's nickname, or Ray, from Carter, was important, in the end I just removed that and the keychain had both names). The game jam limitation was a factor in cutting this, but also just the fact that Carter was already pretty awful here and having him react negatively to his sister's trans storyline would have made him irredeemable I think. 

If ever I was to write a sequel it would be about Lee and what was going on there, but that also feels like less my story to tell as a cis guy, so I'd want a collaborator for that to do it justice; perhaps Christmas the following year, when Lee is facing that dysphoria of not shedding with the men again.

(+1)

So I was right on the money about Lee suffering from gender dysphoria!
I spent my playthrough wondering a lot about that (her reaction to what Hartland said after Noah's introduction felt very... telling to me), but I wasn't sure if I was just leaping to conclusions or not. I can understand not being able to fully explore it given the limited time, but nice work making it still possible for the audience to figure out via context clues/etc!

And with regards to the nameplates, I can only think of one place where I noticed them being incorrect so thankfully that didn't seem to be too prevalent an issue. If anything, I'd say it might be worth adjusting the colours on a few of them as some of the names don't show up against the black background in the History log (either that, or perhaps finding a way to adjust the background to be a similarly visible colour as the nameplates are).

Also, I didn't even realise until your reply here that you were one of the people who commented on my VN's page... glad we both ended up enjoying eachother's work. 😄


Also, one last thing but:

##SPOILER DISCUSSION##

I'm not sure how intentional it was, but I can't believe I only just now realised that the parasite implanted in Carter would be a tapeworm... as in a VHS tape. If that was intentional then bravo on that one.