well im kinda unemployed, but in my homecountry once you've worked more then a certain amount of time, but then get resigned from this job you get a small amount of money until you find something new....and as im a "retard" suffering from multiple psychic trauma (tourette-syndrome, ocd, serious deppresion including harming myself with sisscors, knifes etc) the unemployment benefit offices, which usually very unpolite, rude and want to get you into any job available, are acting much more reserved, which gives me the ability to work on my games mostly :O but this is propably not going for an infinte amount of time....so im looking at the future with my middle finger raised to the sky and pain in my stomach
13 days ago(+1)
When your stomach hurts, you need to go poop.
© My mom, when I was 4 years old.
But seriously — I assume you’ve had this diagnosed by a professional and you’re not just making it up for attention, like quite a big part of the internet does...
In my opinion, having what you mentioned actually diagnosed is already a bigger victory than the quiet but certain defeat that maybe 80% of people on this planet live through
(that number’s made up, of course, but surely it’s the majority),
people who never even suspect they might have mental issues and can’t explain that persistent “weird” or “unknown” feeling that follows them in everything they do.
A good friend of mine once shared how he divided his life into stages: before knowing he had any mental issues, after starting to suspect it, after deciding to talk about it, and finally after starting therapy.
- Before knowing:
“Where’s the point in what I once called my life’s work? Everything stops being admirable, and what used to interest me suddenly shouldn’t... But to try something new, you need money — and making money doing something uninteresting just feels wrong...”
- After suspecting something’s up in his head:
“Maybe psychology is my life’s work? Theoretically, as long as I keep asking questions like that, it means I’m right — and if I ever stop, that means I’ve found a better answer. There’s no way to lose at that point.”
- After deciding to talk to a psychologist:
“Turns out I’ve got this and that — stuff I never even knew existed — and that surprised me, though at first it scared me... so much that I bought a psychology textbook :D”
- After starting therapy:
“At first, I was skeptical. But while studying psychology in my final semester, I wanted to combine the support, better mood, and confidence with practical experience — analyzing myself from every possible angle...
Well, my third degree, in Criminal and Investigative Psychology, turned out to be just as good a choice as the first two...”
I’m one of those who realized things late — but not thanks to my parents, who forced me to study and think logically. I’m still trying to make up for lost youth, avoiding what we might call ‘obstacles’ in different ways.
Even though I know perfectly well that I really need a psychotherapist — and that, honestly, everyone does — I just can’t bring myself to go to some random person, listen, and follow their advice. It’s self-contradictory, I know, but I wouldn’t even know what to tell them.
What am I supposed to say? “This is my head. Inside is my brain. I think it’s sick — fix it.” That sounds insane.
Or: “Sometimes I code, and sometimes I hate it.” That’s 20 years of therapy trying to find a reason — and even the best therapist in the world would drain an infinite bag of money, because, well, you keep coming back for something.
I can’t explain it. Maybe my “realist” approach — seeing things exactly as they are and avoiding what I don’t understand — is a risk for me. So why should I leave my comfort zone?
Honestly, I couldn’t even stop myself from gambling, and now I’m down to my last 20k PLN — while 6 or 7 years ago, when it all started, it was over 300k...
I don’t even know why I wrote this message :D
But maybe someone will start thinking about something because of it — and those thoughts will help them someday :)
And to you, one question:
Do you ever force yourself to finish something you considered important yesterday — but today you’ve lost interest in, or it feels uncomfortable — even though the final result still looks beautiful in your imagination?
If yes — is it self-discipline, or medication?
And if it’s the latter, do you notice any long-term changes in yourself that you’d call negative?
If you read the whole thing — respect, and thanks :D
Awesome insight dude, i appreciate your deep dive on this topic as it shaped my life since i just was a small kindergarden X, where the doctor which occasionally checks kids said i have problems with my eyes, strange way i always had to close them hardly, you can't imagine what its like if you have something, but you aren't sure about, it you're not sure if you had to carry out tics or just did it somehow, a painful process until a doctor in the child hospital finally had enought skill to delierver the absolute only possible sickness....tourette-syndrome, which mostly never comes alone....when i turned 14 i always had bad feelings i couldnt surive a single week without feeling wrong in this world, in this society, finally manifesting as i got a bit older one day i felt so bad i just had to cut my arms, which got more often and i finally became addicted to it, when life punches you in the guts again :/ i finally started to try all kind of drugs, if you dont want to life why care about them destroying your body....but the whole plant of the tribes who always had a connection to our mother earth, want to say, drugs aint all bad dosage selects if its a bad or good, ask the medicine-economy, they are doing then same stuff as dealers, only thats they do it legally and selling it to rediculous amounts of money, this stuff aint worth 1/10 of what they charge, it may sound as if i awas some dirtbag abusing drugs and making bad jokes all day, but the oposite is true, i used them to do creative stuff . enough of this as i said it was a dark chapter thou it showed me how to cope with my pain, and it propably sounds dumb, but i have extremely strong emotions, sometimes i just break down crying on the floor losing each and every self awarness and respect, but I stopped cutting myself finally which brought me to regained soberness eventually, but i dont know where id be if i wont have done it. Every Human makes mistake and someone stating the opposite doesnt realize his actions, but this is an outcome of our society supporting stupity and some people really are compeletey different, they dont get the easiest logical sequence, i wasnt a good student but im proud because school supports this behaviour, like sit down shut up and listen, and teachers are often also of this kind, anyway i spend much time thinking myself, not reading any litarature, i also stopped watching movies and series: Create, think you can do this all by yourself and if i think of this clever literature writers but i as i became aware of their philosophical insight i wasnt much impressed "god is dead" lol well it may sound arrogant but it comes from my motto i create, i stopped being passive to "stuff" that is not sience i mean i watch stuff on youtube but mostly about space, qantum mechanics which i really love, becasue peopel are always so shocked by it not doing as they expected, which aint something that makes a big impression on me the opposite i love stuff that is just wrong dumb in a strange way also sensless talking and actions i love but they are made of my pain of life, which always carries a funny ironic turn i dont know for everyone but my girl and i had sooo much fun together laughing like little kids, which is something unfortunately many adults loose, but even as im nearly 40 i still feel like a kid inside somehow , but all my insights would be way too much to state here, but some people know me ask them i often act strange or annoying towards stuff i dont aggree with because as games are art art cant be rated, the skill is not all, you stillhave to feel something even people with waymore technical skills are often impressed by my stuff.... :I maybe we meet again my friend i really like you, you understand a lot about this and this cant be learned imo as its deeply connected to your mind-foundation which cant be changed as easily.....
i once wrote some more stuff about me, my sickness and the pain :D
i will just post this as quate :)
My mental health switches between high as a mountain and deep down in the core of our earth. I suffer from tourette syndrome since i was a little kid and it was really hard for me in especially in school, while growing up within a life you don't really understand, I mean i didn't knew i had tourette syndrome, until a doctor who knew about it, told me and my parents, that i have this rather rare sickness (not a lot of people suffer from tourette, some may have some tics,but that's far from what i went through and had to experience. Overall i feel like im not a part of this influences, hollywood, stars and actors, fashion, etc bullshit world, that turns, as really psychopathic people in high positions with a wage that is simply unacceptable, seeing the third world suffer from thirst and all other kinds of illnesses, but in actually they deserver an equal part of OUR WORLD. I honestly swear, that if i ever get the power, i would instantly destroy all big companies, all countries uniting the world as one, every religion, all the senses technical trash we proudly creat(ed): CARS, WEAPONS, DRUGS, ETC and much more the strange and crazy things ordinary humans do. Im living a life that doesn't suck out our planet like we did never before, but nobody thinks about our kids, the future, they have to deal with all the trouble we'Re constantly causing by just living a "normal" life. Human kind is doing a damn deadly awful and completely sick harvest to OUR MOTHER EATRTH.
When you grow older you realize that less is really more in terms of metal health, because the option to deceide, mostly between an immense amount of products, that all do pretty much the same in the end, really stressed me so much, that i felt a real pain in my stomach. Sometimes when i want to create something its totally strange i WANT to work on my games, BUT if my tourette and ocd brain says no it leads to cruesome bad feelings and real pain in my stomach, so that i just cant work on anything. These are the days i despise my existence, but on other days i work on my games or any other art or stuff for whole days feeling lucky. For me not every day is the same, thats why i have such a big problem working in a common job, because on some days i just CANT, but tell this your boss..... well a lil view from the crazy realm of X.
and this link ....
-X-ScornGames:. Reflecting about my developer-journey | by -X-ScornGames | Sep, 2025 | Medium
best regards, love and peace <3
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12 days ago(+1)
Don’t say “it propably sounds dumb” about something that deeply influenced your emotional growth :D
Funny that such a topic came up on this website, but it was nice meeting you.
A person who’s afraid of their own desires — whether they’re temporary, unattainable, or even socially judged as “bad” (I’m obviously talking about substances here) — can only judge others mockingly, because in truth, nothing more interesting is happening in their own life.
But I agree with your opinion. Everything is meant for people — it’s how you use it that becomes the deciding factor.
I’m glad we had such an unexpected but interesting conversation :)
Wishing you to reach many more checkpoints and achievements in this unpredictable game called “Life” :D