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(2 edits) (+17)

Hello, when writing dialogue, it's better to start a new paragraph when a different person speaks or takes an action, as it makes it clearer that someone new is talking/doing something.

For example, this paragraph:

"You're Adrian's sister." Dante kicks the ball towards her, watching her easily catch it with the toe of her cleats, and uses it to bump the ball up and into her hands. "I am. But who are you?


Would look like this:

"You're Adrian's sister." Dante kicks the ball towards her, watching her easily catch it with the toe of her cleats, and uses it to bump the ball up and into her hands. 

"I am. But who are you?"


These changes make dialogue a lot easier to follow imo. Hope this helps, and I'm excited to see where this story goes.