Honestly, I really tried to like this, because I think the concept is interesting. Unfortunately it just really doesn't make sense. I saw you've reworked the story twice, but it's still completely disjointed. There's no clear explanation for why anything is happening. It feels like you had ideas for scenes but didn't know how to get from one to another so you just said fuck it and stuck them together with no context. On top of that, the dialogue is also all over the place. There's no actual flow to the conversations and it makes them damn near impossible to follow.
I think the best thing you could possibly do is seek out some help from someone with a little more experience writing. who can help you connect the dots and make things flow a lot smoother and more clearly. There's definite potential here, it just really needs to be more fleshed out.