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Dude, what the actual fuck happened to the writing.  The further in you go, the worse the translations get.  Did the person translating/proofreading quit?  

Dude, this game is fucking unhinged.  Sometimes feels like you're trying a little too hard maybe, but still really entertaining. Good job bro.

Honestly, I really tried to like this, because I think the concept is interesting.  Unfortunately it just really doesn't make sense.  I saw you've reworked the story twice, but it's still completely disjointed.  There's no clear explanation for why anything is happening.  It feels like you had ideas for scenes but didn't know how to get from one to another so you just said fuck it and stuck them together with no context.  On top of that, the dialogue is also all over the place.  There's no actual flow to the conversations and it makes them damn near impossible to follow.

 I think the best thing you could possibly do is seek out some help from someone with a little more experience writing. who can help you connect the dots and make things flow a lot smoother and more clearly.  There's definite potential here, it just really needs to be more fleshed out.

Dude, you realize sometimes people want to tell a story that includes sex, and not just make a bunch of sex scenes and slap a half ass story around them right?

There's plenty of 3dcg porn out there if that's all you're into.  AVN just means it includes sex, not necessarily that its about sex., and there's no reason the sex needs to be the most important part.  There's a reason that the top AVN's tend to be the ones with the best story, even when the render and animation quality arent that great.

Actually, yes.  I always find it dumb.  However, even a bad blowjob is still a still a blowjob.  as long as they're not biting it's eventually going to work.  Women are not that simple, and if you're taking cues on how to please women from porn, you're going to be absolutely terrible and probably hurt them in the process.  I give these games a lot of suspension of disbelief with the oversized dicks, and being able to just get all these women in bed  despite having the personality of a worn out leather boot, and women agreeing to be in harems, and ignoring refractory periods, etc. because it's fantasy.  And even if the girls watching porn to try to learn is stupid as well, it still plays into the fantasy because even though it's naive, they're still doing it because they want to please the MC, and generally the ones that do are still timid and have no idea what they're actually doing.

A male MC claiming to be good at fingering girls when he's never even touched a pussy before because he watched porn though? dude get real, he'd give her friction burn before he ever got close to giving her an orgasm.

Okay, gotta be really honest here MC saying he's good at fingering because he studied by watching porn is possibly the stupidest line I have ever seen in an adult game.  Porn stars fake orgasms for the camera dude.  Trying to emulate porn makes you worse at anything sexual, not better,  Seriously tempted to not even play anymore just because of how stupid that was.

melody is hot garbage.  The MC is supposed to be this cool guy who toured with rock stars and sounds like a 65 year old incel insurance salesman.

I was referring to sylvia explaining the training with Faeries, i was trying to do so without spoilers since i cant seem to figure out how to do spoiler tags.  But its mostly because she had previously talked about the queen levitating things as if she didnt know how it was done, and made no mention of the faeries before that.  She also didnt seem to understand what the "feeling of bugs" on her skin was during the confrontation.  It seemed to give the impression that she didnt know about the faeries.

As far as the appearance of time jumping for Ashley, I think it's mostly because past a certain point she doesn't go back to blonde pigtails in any of her own scenes and switched to a different wardrobe, but has them in felicity and Emma's and wear her old clothes.  I mean its clearly just that those scenes were made before the character redesign, but it does give the impression of a timeline.  I'd recommend just pushing back Ashley's first scene with the new look to after the last scene with her old look with felicity and Emma, but its really more of an immersion thing than continuity there since I don't think there are any major story beats or references to anything major in those scenes.

There is however a scene where Maria says she will follow someone (the cat i think?) On her socials that can trigger after her DNA test when all her socials are deleted and scenes in I believe Ashley's story where first Lin references the owl clan and then the MC remembers the gang bangers from the visit to the owl clan that can trigger before you ever visit them.  Wish I could be more specific but I wasn't really taking notes on which event I was at.

I totally get the game is still being developed and with this many characters, the sandbox nature, and stories becoming more interconnected that stuff is going to slip through the cracks sometimes.  Just thought I'd point it out in case it's something you want to tweak in future updates.

Edit: So also for a specific example, Maria's 38th and 39th event can occur after Felicity's kidnapping.  So the MC runs into Beaumont at the poker game and doesnt even comment on Felicity being gone in the 38th, and in the 39th she's present in the bar during maria's roleplay.

Also multiple instances towards the tail end of the story so far where if you dont do the events in the correct order things will be referenced in one character's story that haven't happened yet because you haven't done an event in another character's, or characters who have had major changes in their story will seem to regress because you did theirs first, Ashley's makeover reverting if you don't go through enough of felicity and emma's scenes before playing ashleys for instance.  So you might want to go through at some point and change some trigger variables so that it doesnt seem like the player is jumping back and forth through time.

Dude, you're fucking retarded.  The MC is a regular ass dude who runs a fucking hotel and has maybe a grand to his name at any given time. He doesn't have an army, he has a handful of tiny girls. 

The Android you think he could use to take over, couldn't do shit because the military doesnt keep their weapons on publicly accessible networks.  You could be the greatest hacker in the world and you're not getting on the internet and hacking into fucking missile launch programs, or any form of weapon controls.

Kali has a rich dad, but he's not going to try to overthrow the government of an entire nation.  Otherwise she's just a mid-level coder.

Ashley, Felicity, Emma, Ellen, Hana, Maria. Useless in any sort of uprising.

Lucia could maybe use social media to get her followers on your side over time. 

Autumn might be able to sway church rhetoric towards abolitionism over time, but even as a saint she's little more than a local church leader, and getting religious people to change their minds about anything is about as easy as convincing a frog to grow feathers.

Making Maria's story public might be able to garner sympathy, and get people thinking about what would happen if they had a half elf child, or fearing finding out they themselves could secretly be half elves.

Lin, Nia, and Sylvia are actually the most useful in terms of actually doing anything to get rid of slavery because they have the potential to sway public opinion, and Androids ability to access public networks and spread their message is the most valuable ability she has in that regard.

You don't stop slavery with assassinations and molotovs and shit.  That just makes the public view you as terrorists and turns everyone more against you, and in the instance of this story, probably causes a lot of slavers to just murder their slaves or destroy their androids out of fear. You do it by swaying public opinion to your side, until your side has more power than those who want to keep things as they are.  Then if things do progress to violence, people are actually on your side and ready to stand up with you.

The bullshit you're spouting would have the MC dead within a week after accomplishing exactly nothing.

You've got a major continuity error between sylvia's and Lin's stories.  In Lin's Sylvia doesnt seem to know how the queen does what she does, but in Sylvia's she sits in the fast food place casually explaining all of it.

This is honestly a really shit take.  By your standards, the MC also shouldn't have any dialogue, because it isn't what you would have said.  It's clear you have a fundamental misunderstanding of how writing a character works, so in the hopes of helping you understand, YOU are not the MC.  The MC is a character the author has created, and the internal dialogue exists to help you understand and immerse yourself in the character, not transform the character into you. 

Let me give you a very basic example of why it's important.  Let's say there's a situation where the MC and a female character are on the verge of engaging in some sort of sexual activity.  Maybe you as the reader would just rip off her clothes and go to town.  However, the author chose to have the MC play hard to get and tease the female character a bit to push her into taking the lead but doesn't want her to know.  So the author has the MC say "It's getting really late.  I should probably head home."  So you're sitting there like "what the fuck? Is he an idiot? She obviously wants it."  Without an internal dialogue of the MC thinking about teasing her, you would have no idea why the MC said he was going to leave.

That being said, I do understand where you're coming from.  You want to imagine the MC is you, but that just doesn't really work in VNs.  My suggestion is wait a few more years, and through the use of AI it's likely that authors will be able to write the basic outline of a story and allow you to choose exactly what you would say or do while the AI generates responses that fall in line with the story outline the author gave it.

I find the exhibitionism and selling pinups to be a bigger issue.  It's about as close to NTR as you can get without NTR.  I'd much prefer the exhibition scenes if it was the thrill of potentially getting caught instead of actually just letting every random person around see everything. I mean, getting secretly flashed under the table in a restaurant, super hot, having your girlfriend flash everyone else int the restaurant, Definitely not something i'm into.  Since you have to do it to unlock all the scenes, an option to make it so that the exhibitionism is only directed at you instead of literally everyone would be great.

So is there some reason you reverse the rules of beer pong in the costume party during Kali's story?  It doesn't make any sense for the team that makes the shot to be drinking, because you drink from the cup the ball was in when you remove it.   I mean, where is the cup that was scored in going if they're not drinking it, and why are the cups that they've been drinking going back on the table with more alcohol? It makes no sense logistically and you should definitely think about reworking that scene with the correct rules.

I have to agree.  The Cg art is trash.  All the women look really terrible.  Strongly recommend replacing the CG scenes with hand drawn.