I saw this post almost as soon as you posted it. I apologize that it's taken me this long to reply. I was so deeply moved. I knew that a message this beautifully heartfelt deserved a reply that was just as honest and thoughtful. So here I am.
First things first, nothing that you said made me uncomfortable. I love honesty. I love that you took the time to even write this. I admire you. I thank you for giving me some of your time. This message made me cry (in a good way). It also came to me at a semi rough time in my life. The stars must have aligned or something. It inspired me to be better as a person. It put me back on the right track when it comes to my creativity and the reasons I wanted to write in the first place.
Now let me get into the nitty gritty.
I am so incredibly happy that my little story helped you in any fashion. I love imagining you hiding under blankets and taking the quiz. It reminds me of how I was when I was in the fandom. Even though this fandom is a little cringe and strange at times, it is something that I will never be ashamed of. Its just like any other niche interest. Fanfiction has been around since I was young. It lets you free yourself; get lost in fantastic worlds. You feel close to the things you love. It makes me happy to see people enjoying the things they like, not for anyone else, but themselves; no matter how weird it may be to others.
For you to call this piece a standard humbles me so deeply. I wanted this to be good. I would spend hours upon hours plotting out the story line. I would bug friends constantly to make sure that things made sense. I fell in love with the little world I built on top of the lore in other creations. I wanted something cohesive, even if it was just for fun. It makes me so happy that you regard it so highly and it helped you through rough times. It was one of those things that also helped me through as well.
To touch on a quick mention, I do fully intend on continuing the sequel. My notes are all planned out for the entire story. Now that this chapter is out for the VN, I will get working on it. Slow going and maybe it might sound a little odd because it’s been so many years, but I’ll get it out there.
I am so proud of you. Putting yourself out there, even on the internet where it is possible no one will ever find your writing, it is still incredibly scary. I’ve been writing fanfiction since I was thirteen and I’ve made some ripe stinkers in my day. They say that you should put your art out there even if it’s no good. That’s the best and fastest way to learn not only your craft, but yourself. I live by that. Even this Visual Novel isn’t everything I wanted it to be, but I need to keep pushing. With that practice, comes pride and confidence in yourself. People can feel the love that you put into your work. You should be incredibly proud of yourself.
One of my motivators for creating anything, fanfiction or not, is to inspire others. I want them to feel loved. I want them to not feel so alone. Most importantly, I want them to feel powerful in their own skin. If I can achieve even a tiny bit of that, then I’ve done something right in my life.
Eighteen is a whirlwind. Yes, you’re right, it's extremely frightening to be on your own in this big unforgiving world. I used to have my biggest pitfalls right when that shift was happening. My depression was at its zenith. I felt all these expectations and like my life was supposed to be on treads. It felt like I was spiraling out of control most of the time. Never in my life did I want to run away from myself and my future more than I did in those days.
I’m 32 years old now, and I’m not going to give you any cliche words like “it gets better,” because I can’t tell the future and I’m not you. The advice that I do have for you I actually stole from a psych ward technician back in the day mixed in with some personal experience. One thing: you’re going to make a lot of mistakes. It’s not the end of the world to make mistakes, in fact, you’re going to make lots of them in order to really learn what you do and don’t want with yourself and your life. It’s a lot harder learning to forgive yourself for those mistakes, but that is the one thing that will keep you moving forward. You don’t need others to forgive you, and you don’t need perfection. Forgiving yourself and living on is enough.
As for college, I don’t know your situation. I do want to let you know that personally, I’ve failed college like four times before I actually had the time management, mental stability, focus, and commitment to get a degree. It’s just an A.A. but it was enough for me. If I need to learn more, I’ve decided that I will make that time, do those hoops, and figure it out later. My degree didn’t even help my job really. Life is wacky like that. Keep trying. Do your best. Understand that if something bad happens and you manage to fail, you will be able to try again. That might mean that you have to work harder next time, and the obstacles might be bigger, but you will achieve what you truly want to. Balancing all of these things can be extremely tricky. It takes a lot of practice.
I’m extremely happy that you are finding yourself in alt culture, connecting with friends that truly lift you up, and are still keeping in touch with that thirteen year old version of yourself. You’ll want to keep that person around. A peaceful memory and world that you have in your heart will always keep you safe in dark times.
I hope this reply wasn’t too off putting or snobbish sounding.
I have nothing but intense love and pride when it comes to people like you who I’ve seen grow up through the years. My work will always be here for you whenever you need it.
Thank you from the bottom of my soul,
Chante`
AKA Bugsy Potter
Veilwalker Studios