What a throwback. This game feels like I'm back in the old Newgrounds days! It would be good to have some feedback for the player on which of their selections helped with the outcome. If you find a way to give that feedback in a similar funny way and make it a bit indirect, so don't just give blatant numbers or "this is the best item for that occasion," it could add to the fun and help with player engagement. Pretty unique take on the theme, solid implementation, good job!