Most writing in IFs is pretty amateur since most of us are just people doing this as a hobby, so please do not feel discouraged from continuing. Writing like most art is just editing and reediting until one gets something that one is semi- happy with.
And, from what I read I think that your writing is actually pretty good.
I am somewhat experienced with Twine (Sugarcube) and I also know javascript, so I could help you out with coding or if you just need advice.
I am not an expert by any means, but I am usually able to figure out solutions for the issues I encounter by foraging through the documentation for Twine and Html5.
However, that often can be very time-consuming, so I understand that most people simply do not have the free time to do that.
If you are interested in speaking about this further, I have sent you a friendship request on Discord.