I really enjoyed the raw, intense atmosphere you created with the desert setting and the rebel group dynamics. The conflict between Bale and Del’garros feels real, and the sci-fi details add a cool edge.
That said, I found it tough to follow because there’s a lot happening all at once, and the action sequences got a little overwhelming without clearer pacing. Breaking the text up into paragraphs would help a lot. It would make the story easier to read and help emphasize the tension. Also, consider trimming the word count some.
You’ve got a solid sense of mood and tension, and with some tightening and formatting, this could be a really strong piece.