I can tell you put a lot of cool ideas and world-building into it. The sci-fi and cybernetic stuff definitely caught my attention. The laconic dialogue made it stand out as well.
That said, I gotta be honest, I had a bit of trouble following some parts. On the first read-through, the story felt kind of jumbled for me and it was a little hard to stay grounded in what was going on. I think if you tightened up the pacing a bit and connected more of the dots, it would help the story gel.
Overall, I liked the vibe you created and I’m sure with some tweaks it’ll really come together. Looking forward to seeing what you do next!