I think you have a future in Hollywood screen writing.
I'm not anything that resembles someone who knows what they're talking about with writing but if I had to try to come up with some kind of feedback for this I would start with this: When you're looking over your own words for hours, sometimes the grammer makes more sense to you than it does for a first-reader- especially if you're not writing in your native language. Try to take a step back when you're trying to form a complex idea and describe in the simplest possible terms. Also, I can tell you had a message you wanted to make and had a Point A (planet name) and a Point B (enemy is defeat) but you should try to flesh those "everything at the wall" thoughts out according to the "themes" and main ideas you want to showcase.
If you want non-babbling advice from actual writers on how to avoid "and then, and then" syndrome, check some video essays on different story structures. This is very imaginative and I'm sure with some studies on story telling you could come up with something truly great