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(+2)

First off, GNU Terry Pratchett.

Second off, I am really grateful for the thoughtful feedback you gave me so I will try my best to do the same in turn :)

Theme: The unmortals is a strong idea and feels just on the right side of weird for a traditional fantasy game. I do wonder if making the module system agnostic/easily adaptable has resulted in a slightly more generic setting.

Writing: The writing is clear and readable. I respect the choice to provide an in-depth rationale instead of providing detailed individualised keys, allowing GMs to have a better idea of how to fill in the blanks. However, I do think that in some cases you could have your cake and eat it too. A few things could be worded just a little more evocatively to help GMs down the right path, without impacting word count. The Sword of St Tomaz is a good example. Cool name, but how important is it for the GM to know which saint it is attributed to? At the moment it’s a piece of lore that doesn’t really point anywhere and is hard to come up with a concept for. “The Sword of Petrification”, for example, is perhaps more gamey-sounding but easier for a GM to rustle up an item description for.

Layout: Clear, well sized font. Good line spacing makes such a difference to readability. No notes.

Art: I love your art! The illustration of Death(or an Unmortal?) is really good. Personally, as a GM I wouldn’t be able to get much out of the owl illustration, although it looks nice. I think I would have preferred it if the owl was omitted and the cartography was in turn expanded and made more informative.

Playability: This module isn’t your typical pick-up-and-play. Locations like the fort and lighthouse are calling out to be keyed beforehand which would be take a fair amount of prep time. However, I realise that this is a feature not a bug. I’d be super interested to see more of the material you used when running it in your campaign.

I really like your Rumours mechanic. The customised reaction table combined with encounters is excellent too. Loads of emergent situations could come from those alone.

If I was running this I would 100% introduce an alternative to killing the witch. Maybe something to do with the sword.

Overall this is a nice little campaign frame. It is similar to Andrew Walter’s Fronds of Benevolence in that depending on the GM’s tastes and style, it could last a gaming group just a few sessions or be the basis of an entire longterm campaign. An excellent effort in 4 pages!

(+1)

That’s a really thoughtful review, thank you for taking the time to write it. your feedback is just what I needed. 

Yes, you’re right, telescoping out to capture a flavour of what was happening over a wide area was a conscious decision which weakens the character of the module. I tried to get past this by sketching what I hoped were compelling situations, places and NPCs.  It’s not just the sword that suffers as a result- the plague that started the whole story is still there in the background, left unchecked it could burn through the region ending people’s lives… yet can be cured from water from a specific well in a place held by bandits; that’s a whole quest in plain sight that I haven’t made clear enough. The smoking gun in the lighthouse is another. 

The key thing I wish I’d changed up front was that I should have written “deal with the witch” not kill her. This witch didn’t set out to cause the UNMORTALITY state, that came from her actions. In truth, this was a person with unique abilities striking out in their grief- she deserves better.

The Owl pic? I can see what you mean about the use of space. I just wanted to shorthand something that was happening, the swarm of enraged woodland animals.

Thank you again for taking the time to discuss my effort!