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Well, 200 clicks in and no other buttons allow me to click them or do anything, so I'm going to assume this is either bugged or broken. Tutorials go a long way.

Yeah, had the same issue yesterday. The workaround was to do a Raid or switch the World. Since you were only 200 clicks in, you had only the Raid option. It was a bug or something similar. Fortunately today the issue got fixed. Now it should work fine again.

So, I clicked on inventory, equipped a thing that let me hire 1 minion each for free, and then something changed to let me buy stuff?   The auto souls don't work, but I can get more souls per click now?

After a raid, I can't buy anything anymore??    Bugged to heck.

I fixed sps. sorry about that. it's my first ever game, I'm quite new to this so I kinda am getting help from the community.