Some thoughts; I hope you don't mind—
- I'm not quite feeling the 'growth' theme here — since any growth is tied to another objective effectively disappearing, it feels more like you're just moving stuff around that's already there. I'm also not sure about what it means on the thematic side that some objectives are disappearing.
- While I appreciate the underlying mindset, I think the comments about reflavoring the scenario and what the objectives could look like are a bit unhelpful where they are. I would prefer the Objectives section to be a concise definition of how objectives work in the game; interrupting the rules for the sake of extensive commentary on flavor only disrupts the train of thoughts as you're trying to understand how the mission is played. If you want to include such suggestions, it may be more appropriate to bring it up under Mission Background or at the end of Objectives, although I think most players who care about this kind of thing wouldn't need you to point it out to them anyway.
- The Objectives section leaves unclear whether objectives remain seized after leaving (normally I would assume yes since that's how the default mission does it, though usually missions point this out explicitly and this one doesn't, so I could see people reading either interpretation into that).