Skip to main content

On Sale: GamesAssetsToolsTabletopComics
Indie game storeFree gamesFun gamesHorror games
Game developmentAssetsComics
SalesBundles
Jobs
TagsGame Engines
(+2)(-1)

I downloaded to check out the introduction, and... it's not good.

I'd love to give good feedback, but I don't see it. As short as this intro is, it's moving insanely fast, making these 'connections' not meaningful... I mean why're we already developing that kinda' relationship w/ both?

Thank you for playing my game. Every kind of feedback from everyone is valuable to me, so thank you again. Since this is the first version of the game, I personally rushed things a bit, and as it is also my first game, the result is understandably inexperienced—this is entirely my fault. I am still actively developing the game, and as new versions come out, I plan to minimize the issues you mentioned. My goal is to create a game that I can be proud of, and that everyone who plays it can truly enjoy.

Hey! Best advice for the issues here is to add "fluff" to your writing. Just create a few meaningless scenarios to add extra time getting to know the characters. This can be a view of them interacting with each other, or it can be a moment of awkward conversation with the strangers you just met. Whatever gives enough exposition to give the reader an idea of their identities.

If you'd like a good example of this, try out an old VN called Katawa Shoujo, and pay attention to how each character is introduced. There's different introduction styles for each character: Emi (legless battering ram), Hanako (establish eye contact then panic), Rin (immediately ask if you have a "downstairs disability"), Lily (ladylike grace), and Kenji (legally blind Dale Gribble). 

Don't despair just because your first iteration isn't getting the results. Everything in life is an opportunity to learn. I can't wait to see where you go from here!

(+1)

Hello, you’re right about what you said — small event scenarios are being prepared and considered for each character.