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The Doom of Verden Prime

A space-bound adventure set on an asteroid hurtling toward a colonized planet. · By Lone Archivist

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Pamphlet AdventureCommunityDevlog
The Doom of Verden Prime community

Suggestion to deepen story

A topic by vfabien21 created Jul 04, 2025 Views: 192 Replies: 2
Viewing posts 1 to 2
vfabien21330 days ago

Hello ! Interresting situation !
There is one thing though that could be improved:  why do the conservationist and the "Egg" don't realise that they are on crash course with the planet ?

  • Is it a manipulation of the egg who wants to crash ?
  • Is it that the egg has no perception of what is ouside ?
  • Is that it only has a perception of the exterior from the TSoA, and while Clara Imani is not convinced, it will not believe in the crash ?
  • ...

I fell that there is something important to dig there, which would improve the storie.

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Lone ArchivistDeveloper329 days ago (1 edit) (+1)

Thanks for checking it out! I really appreciate the feedback. 

The limited format of a pamphlet kind of restricts how much I could delve into the story but you touch on the main reason as described in the adventure in your third point. The Chief Scientist in charge of charting the asteroid's course is incompetent and simply miscalculated the trajectory. The reason for her miscalculation is detailed in the adventure itself.

The reason behind why the asteroid is heading towards a collision with the planet isn't really the main driving force of the story for Verden Prime but rather just a factor to keep in mind. The main tension arrives from the [SPOILER] twist that the asteroid is inhabited and that there is a sort of cult trying to preserve it. Do you fight them or do you try to reason with them? That is the main story.

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vfabien21328 days ago

Ok. I get it.
However, I'd feel the need to give more purpose on the relation between the "Egg" and  TSOA, and explain why the egg does not avoid collision. Here are my hacks :
- There is a crater on the Dense Crystal Protusion. It is broken, and thus the egg has lost its sensory of organ. However it discovered that humans (TSOA) could replace the array. And it now relies on them. Actually, they prove so usefull that  it started assimilating them as e new organ for "long term preservation" (ie  Thelonius Howard). However it did not realise that humans are imperfect (ie Clara's mistake),  hence its lack of reaction to avoid the collision. 
- Clara not only believes that the players are wrong, but that they actually want to crash the Asteroïd on Verden Prime

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