I felt like this ended just as it was getting going. Having Free agree to do a favour for Mine without knowing what it is (and without it being revealed to the reader) reads like a setup for a longer story that involves the favour.
What we have instead is a story about Free signing a contract and moving from the mall to the outside. Which can be a fine and complete story. I feel confused about it, though. In signing the contract, has Free traded one form of imprisonment for another? Should we believe that Mine has nefarious intentions? If that’s the case, then what the exact details of the favour are isn’t important. However, it didn’t seem like Free was particularly imprisoned after going with Mine. He feels liberated after leaving the mall, in fact.
The story also doesn’t go into detail about why Free changes his mind. Is it just that he’s horny for Mine? Why is he horny at that point, and not earlier or later? If the focus of the story isn’t on the unrevealed favour, then is the focus meant to be on Mine persuading Free to sign the contract? Is that the central conflict? Mine arranges for protesters to disturb Free’s sleep, but that doesn’t seem to be as much a factor in Free’s change of heart as Free’s sudden horniness, or self-admission of horniness.
It’s an interesting premise that one of the characters is almost inexplicably upside-down, but I feel like the idea remains unexplored. It’s touched upon with how he feels after being cured and the mention of the scientific explanation for his upside-down-ness, but the story doesn’t go deeply enough into either aspect of it for it to be satisfactory for me.
Free does have an interesting narrative voice, and it was funny to see him quickly go from denying Mine’s hotness to being really horny for him, particularly during the stream where it was voiced.
The Sonic fanfiction was funny to listen to on stream, but it makes up quite a bit of the final word count and I can’t help but take off some points from my rating for it since its inclusion hurts the VN overall.