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I wanna see them gib up >:3
Think I can nab a win from sheer dumb luck after like a hundred runs?

nah, the timings are made just so you can't win. If you focus less on the game and more on the actual timings of each action after you press the key, you'll notice that your character's reaction speed is nerfed heavily compared to the hero's. The hero dodges after you press the key, and before the attack reaches them. Another thing is that the hero's dps is too high for you to kill them in time, you can only tank attacks. There were a couple times when I was in fact surprised I damaged the hero - this was in the last stage of the game where we turn into the final form, I'd sometimes be able to deal a heart of damage to the hero by going in the corner and using 3. I suppose you could try that... but the game is hardcoded so you cannot beat the player - it's the whole point as the other guy said :P