I'm sorry to hear all of that happened to you. it sounds like it was... difficult. I hope everything turns out better for you and remains that way. also there is no need to apologize, or "make it up" to us. life happens and no one can really judge you for being afraid after that or wanting to move on and forget since that sounds painful. just be happy and take your time doing whatever you love. if it's this, wonderful! if it's not, I hope you have fun and enjoy it.