So, lots of creativity on display here... sentient pearl? The ship's cute dolphin turns out to be the evil mastermind? I'm here for all that. It's maybe a little lighthearted for Mothership, but I don't mind a bit of genre-bending. Similarly, the graphical treatment of the sub is really nice for what it is, but would look out of place in a lineup of other 3P Mothership products.
I think there are some weird decisions that were made in terms of how much space and attention to spend on things.
- The entire plot and all the threats are compressed into a single panel on the back page, while there's tons of available room elsewhere.
- The title gets an entire panel to itself and isn't really interesting enough in design to warrant that.
- The NPC descriptions are minimal and don't nearly use all the space available for them. If you don't want to write more about them, just make the pictures smaller and you'll have half a panel left for something else.
- The sub map is really nice and looks like it got more love than anything else in the module, but there isn't even a box-and-line map of the external environment you're navigating through.
- The sentient pearl is a cool idea but we're never told anything about it except that it's a pearl that's sentient. Does it grow inside a giant oyster like a normal pearl? Is the oyster a threat? If it's not made by an oyster, where does it come from? If it's sentient, how does it communicate and what does it want?
The style of writing, particularly the plot description is way too casual and stream-of-consciousness for my liking. It feels like you were just explaining the adventure to a friend out loud and got someone to transcribe your words verbatim. The written format gives you time to structure your thoughts more clearly than you would when speaking... don't waste that chance!
Anyway, it's a fun idea, but usability is low. I can see a good session coming out of this, but you're asking the Warden to do a lot of the heavy lifting because you focused on art and just kind of sketched the idea of a story around it.