Post by FerreTrip in Lyre comments

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Okay, wow, this was...this was quite the ride, and I am definitely looking forward to more! Absolute passion project, I can see that.

Buuuuuuut...there are a few choices that I question. And of course some choices I am very, very happy with!! SPOILERS AHEAD!

And this is all MY OPINION, just wanna stress that.

1. The pace of the romance. A bit too fast ^^; Or at least it was too obvious after a time. Granted, I think you may've done a better job than Adastra, where it felt a little heavy-handed, though in both cases, there were time skips, so there's some excuse (but really I think I enjoyed this romance better). I dunno, I'm not too good with romance subplots :P (And not trying to blast Adastra, it's still excellent! Just expressing an opinion about a part of it.)

2. Adrius. After reading the whole thing, I can tell you mean for Adrius to be a very complicated character. However, I feel you made it too obvious in the beginning that he's evil—he's the ONLY asshole character we meet, and he ends up being the bad guy. Further, I don't feel much sympathy for the guy after learning he murdered his own father out of frustration that his mom's death wasn't being avenged quickly enough, and then seeing him be absolutely despicable with the way he treated Richter. Speaking of, dunno if it was considered adult and I coulda skipped it, but there was really no reason to have us sit through hours of poor Rich getting tortured like he was. That was a bit much. (Again, my opinion!) And then in the end, after making us hate Adrius with a fiery passion, not only do we get to see him get off relatively scott-free, but...I feel like you want us to have some sort of pity for him. I wish he'd remained the sweetie he was in his childhood, but as he is now, he's irredeemable. Am I looking at this the wrong way?

3. The trial. It feels like a bit of a waste of time seeing as the judge is also the prosecution (though I'm aware that was probably part of the point). No matter what, Richter was going to lose. Not only that, but it wasn't much of a trial as it was nothing but people saying what they thought of Richter. There was no lawyer to cross-examine and fact check; doing so could've convinced the crowd that Adrius doing the cop-out was indeed bullshit because it goes against the logical arguments presented. But hey, I'm just an Ace Attorney fanboy, so I guess I expected differently ^^; In the end, though, it kinda feels like we were strung along with some sort of hope when it turns out there wasn't any to begin with. (That said, I can understand the choice—it shows further just how utterly fucked up Lyre's high society is.)

4. All that said, now that I think about it, I think maybe the post-murder part could have been done a bit more quickly.

5. Tiny, but did you mean to have Lyall's sketch if Richter look like Jesus? Because if so, a little on the nose, doncha think? XD

BUT! I also have lots of praise!:

1. Tygren is a really unique character, I love them! They're a god, yes, but clearly unable to do as much as they'd like to. It actually reminds me of Marco and the Monitor from Adastra, in that the protag is frustrated with a seemingly all-powerful being not being forthcoming. This time though, there is a personal bond between Richter and Ty, whereas Marco and the Monitor was much more strained. In both cases, we have a vexed higher power who wants to help the poor humie but has tied hands. Richter got upset, but still worried a lot about poor Ty because of the bond they formed. Can't wait to see more of this handsome hybrid!

2. YOU LET US SKIP THE SEX SCENE. Dear sweet God THANK YOU. The story itself was too damn good, and I didn't wanna have to mash my screen to get past it like I did Adastra (again, not bashing Adastra! Just an opinion!). Not only that, but there was only ONE scene. You focused on the story and, most of all, respected us folks who were more interested in that than the smut. So seriously, thanks for that.

3. Lyall is fucking adorable and a precious bean who must be protected. I think I liked him better than Amicus, honestly, even if I found the latter more attractive. While I think the romance coulda been handled a little better somehow, I think you did a much better job with him than the way Amicus was handled. (Once more, not bashing Adastra! ^^; )

4. You made humans a little interesting!! Giving them a healing factor like that helps make them stand out from all the interesting anthro races. You also made it refreshing to see Elizabeth, another human, once in a while, which is impressive considering how tired I am of human characters.

5. The music. Need I say more?

6. Lief is also adorable and precious and we need more of him. One of my favorites! (That all said, I was a bit peeved to see him and Liz tolerate Adrius' bullshit like that; I was expecting them to ditch him by story's end.) As someone pointed out, clever making the healer's name an anagram for "life".

7. The backgrounds!! Absolutely beautiful work!! Kickass character work too ^^ My only complaint is it was a bit hard to tell when Lyall was smiling while talking, but that's minor.

8. Richter himself is a good protag. Relatable but still his own person—better than the typical VN romance protags who are often kinda milquetoast. He's a workaholic, deep thinker, and determined man who manages to keep some mysteries to himself to the end...even one he isn't fully aware of! Great work!

That's all for now. Looking forward to Dryz!

atmac237 days ago(+1)

1. The pacing of the romance is intentionally fast. It comes down to personal preference and I prefer it this way. I want their romance to be a little fast paced at first because it makes sense with their personalities. In the next two books, there will be plenty of time for them to evaluate their relationship and though their romance went a little fast, they'll be able to slow down and take their friendship one step at a time.

2. With Adrius, my goal is absolutely for him to be complicated. He's possibly the most complicated character in the story, with Richter himself falling not too far behind. My intention was to not rug pull when it comes to his personality and his ideals. I wanted it to be very clear that even if he somehow wasn't the killer, he would still be a great opposition to the main characters. I'm less interested in the reader sympathizing with Adrius and more interested in them understanding him on a personal level. As the story goes on, there will be moments where we see a different, more sensitive side to his character.

The reason he killed his father was so much more than his mother not being avenged fast enough. The situation he's in causes a lot of conflict with his ideals, while his mental state of mind is already split and at odds. His goals stretch much further than the canyons. Also, Richter's torture scene was only 2/3rds of a chapter and I feel if it was any shorter, it wouldn't have as much impact as I intended. I want the reader to feel what Richter is feeling in those moments so they can truly grasp just how horrific his situation was. It's something that's going to haunt him for a very long time that has physically and mentally scared him.

3. I'm an Ace Attorney fanboy too, but I wanted this trial to be as realistic and grounded as possible. Sadly, this is the way it was back then. Poor Richter is lucky he got a trial at all, considering he lives in a time where lack of freedom of speech hinders true justice being carried out. Not only was it rigged from the start, but anybody going against the system would have a target placed on their back. In a hereditary monarchy, a situation like this is almost inescapable, especially for someone like Richter, who was only given Lord status due to hard work, and not blood.

4. I feel that rushing this part of the story would mean removing some of the impact that it's supposed to have. Right now, I feel I'm treading the line between this section of the story being too fast paced, or too slow. I feel it being a little slower, while adding outside perspectives and other things going on outside of the dungeon is the correct choice, but again, it comes down to personal preference and I understand wanting it to be a little faster.

5. My intention was not for Richter to look like Jesus. This was pure coincidence. If I were to draw Jesus myself, he would look different. In my eyes, Richter is more of a Moses or Job figure in my eyes.

1. I'm glad you like Tygren. They're one of my favorite characters to write and I enjoy experimenting with their connection to not only Richter, but what Richter represents to them. Ty's romantic relationship with Al is probably one of the deeper and more interesting relationships I'll get to explore between two characters.

2. I plan on writing each sex scene so that the important character building aspects of the scene reside in the foreplay. This way, you can skip scenes that might make you uncomfortable, while still getting the bigger picture of why that scene is there.

3. Lyall is very sweet, but I'm looking forward to his character in Dryz, as this is where a lot of his character arc is explored.

4. I wanted humans to feel similar to animals and have traits that make them unique. I'm glad you enjoyed this. It's an important aspect of the story that there's a greater mystery behind why the humans are there. This will be explored and I'm sure it will shock many readers.

5. I'm always happy to hear people like the music. Mayer and Exias did such an amazing job. I look forward to working with Exias in the future.

6. Leif and Liz tolerating Adrius' bullshit is a major part of their respective arcs, mainly with Liz. It's meant to Mirror Lyall's decision to abandon his kingdom and duty for what he believes is right. Liz and Leif might be forced into a situation where they stay loyal in order to do what they think is right. It's a difficult situation to be trapped in. Liz will have a lot of spotlight in the next book.

7. The backgrounds are the hardest part for me, so I'm glad they turned out good.

8. Like Adrius, I intend for Richter to also be explored on a deeper level as the books continue. His arc is very important to me.

Thank you for this review. It gave me a lot to think about. I hope I was able to clear up some things.

FerreTrip237 days ago(+1)

Thanks again for replying! I definitely get some of your choices now. Just a few more comments.

First, I wanna say that you're pretty damn good at this if you're leaving furries—FURRIES!!—not wishing especially for the protag to be anthro and not human. You write Richter and Liz that damn well.

On that note, the humans themselves are designed well (particularly Liz's subtle smirk, love that). Normally, my biggest issue with humans is that they are, by default, light-skinned. I'm mixed, so I feel it's more important to have diversity in fiction. However, both's skin tones make sense geographically! Richter is subtly darker due to being from a pretty sunny place, while Liz grew up in the north where there's less sun. In fact, I realize now that Richter looking paler at the end makes sense, too, since he had been without much direct sunlight for weeks, let alone living up north for a couple months to begin with. Of course he'd lose his tan!

Second, I literally just now realized what you're going for with Adrius. Someone who has done dire wrong, but is every bit as complex a person as most real people who do so. My mother wrote about a serial killer who went after vampires, not realizing he was one, himself, and I was just reminded of him. Complex, even if not fully sympathetic. He later on amended his ways, but who knows about Adrius?

Third, def agree with your view on characterization and sex scenes. I'm a little on the ace spectrum, myself, so I believe sex has less important a role in a relationship than others; I believe that a relationship built outside of sex leads to much stronger bonds. You're also very respectful to us folks uninterested in smut in the middle of a story like this. Thank you.

Fourth...I can't help but worry if I've done a good or a bad thing with whatever food for thought I gave that you're still chewing on ^^;;

Keep on keepin' on!!

atmac237 days ago

You did a good thing. I'm always chewing on food for thought. It's my favorite meal.

itch.io

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