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The song is fantastic, and I think the idea you have phenomenally represents the theme. I do however find some dissonance between the idea and the song itself. I think the song could maybe use some diversity, but overall, it presents a relaxing soundscape that I believe works well. 

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yeah i think it was a product of me putting a bunch of improv'd takes together, if i could redo this id try to make the narrative more strongly guide the direction of the song, compared to what it is now. thanks for the feedback!