The bar is set extremely high! Good! Yeah, I intended this to be a kind of experiment and that really shows... At first I thought nobody would care but that's clearly not the case. I feel honored, revitalized and very lucky. Anyway, the jumps are ginormous and the turns so sudden because I wrote the story in practically one stretch and while I recognize what goals a story must have and the overall structure to achieve them I didn't fully understand, so I went all over the place... I joined the jam late so clearly that didn't help either. Not enough practice, like you said. I take full responsability. Also I really appreciate the length and depth of your review! It has cleared things up in my mind and I will continue to work on my abilities. I appreciate your effort, you went all in and I highly respect that. You've told me precisely what I needed to hear. Thank you very much!
Of course! No problem. It's something I wish I had been given more of when I started, so I'm happy to help.
Writing the whole story in one stretch is indeed a challenge, so you can be proud that you finished it at all. And yeah, don't be discouraged from my seemingly critical review (although I can clearly see that you weren't). I think it's cool that you started writing and I'm looking forward to seeing you improve.