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(+2)

I was really excited to see this get updated!

I'm sad the beginning was changed so much. I think the new chapter one's writing is much better now, and does a good job actually portraying what the protagonist is like and his background, which is something that was certainly needed. However, I can't help but feel the change in direction has completely stripped the story of the disconcerting atmosphere it originally had and that I loved so much.

Before, there were many subtle things that just felt wrong, the fact Sam wasn't human, the walking, the terrain, everything felt off and the protagonist was clearly ignoring it, it wasn't until later that the protagonist finally confronted what was clearly wrong all along, but by then he was already trapped in this place. I loved it, it was all very subtle and I felt really good writing. The protagonist could have easily avoided entering this world, but he ignored the strangeness of the situation and followed Sam anyways, and it was his own actions that caused him to enter. Sam's reluctance to leave the world, paired with his guilt from luring the protagonist and the internal conflict of it made him such an interesting character.

Now, the protagonist just feels like an unhappy person who can't fit in anywhere who randomly enters this world. While I love knowing more about him, his new method of entering this world causes the story to lose a lot of it's intrigue. While I like having more background from him, having him just randomly enter this world on accident (while written REALLY GOOD!) is lackluster compared to before, where he willfully ignored every very obvious and subtle warning sign and followed Sam into it. Before, the protagonist's behavior displayed a displeasure in and trying to avoid/escape reality, so he entered this word. Now he is just a random unhappy person who gets randomly teleported to it.

I'm sure you've made these changes for plot reasons and is for the best of the story, but I'm still sad to see everything I really liked from the first version removed. Although I'm excited to see how the multiple worlds and Sam's familiarity with multiple of them will play out later in the story, the background on his world and how the human world has influenced it was quite interesting. I assume the changes were made because how many commentors didn't understand what was going on? (they probably didn't even try to read the story, it was really easy to follow)

Now to talk about the new chapter

What was with that creepy goat guy?! Why was the fog was inside the house?! Jellyfish creatures!?!? There was a Jellyfish in a chair at the dinner table I saw it. Was the jellyfish actually there in the dining room with them, or was it just an illusion for us readers to see? Exactly what did the goat guy serve them to eat? Or who?!?! Why was the jellyfish eating it?

What was it the goat man kept dropping loudly while in the other rooms? I want to know, but I don't think there will be answers anytime soon lol.

(+1)

Yeah I secretly like the old prologue better as well. It was a bit unhinged but I liked it. Objectively - the new one is more solid, more realistic. It's a better-built house. It's a fine line, walking between realism and intrigue - keeping my own flimsy design or listening to others. If I'd kept the old prologue, the whole story might have felt like it balanced on a barely tenable concept. It might have become a problem, or might not have.

The basics of the new prologue were kindly suggested to me, and I am thankful for it, even if it is a departure from the original plot.


With how I usually do things, often I can't really vocalise exactly why I'm doing what I'm doing. In my own way, I think I can make them work, though. I'm not the sort of person who has a grand plot on the drawing board before I start writing the first bit of narrative. I make it up as I go.


I do have lots of things planned for this story, and lots of assets already made for Chapter 3.

I take your criticisms with open eyes and a bit of nodding in agreement, but we're moving forward from what things are now :)

Oh you saw the jellyfish in the chair, did you? I tip my hat to you! Did you notice other things, I wonder?


Some questions will be answered, but not all.

Thanks for reading :)