Thanks for giving it a go!! This is wonderfully helpful feedback, I so appreciate it. I especially am really glad the connection between the two girls resonated. I really struggled with the line there. I didn't want to beat the reader over the head with it, but I also wanted to make sure the fear the MC was feeling was coming through. That sense of "oh that could be me" was really core to the whole thing.
Really good feedback about the monster / chase scenes. I don't usually do chase sequences haha and I totally agree that I think there needs more build up / they kind of come out of nowhere. I think my goal was for it to be like a metaphor for the fear of death, wearing you down, but I'm not sure that that reads hahaha.
Comments like this are so nice to read and just a huge help, thanks <3