One quick aside as a possible stop-gap, at least--even if I end up having to give up on the different formula for now. Might there be some way to partially restrict which kinds of offhand equips could be made based on the main hand?
Whether that's going 'pair daggers together' or fist weapons or whatnot, but also if there's something like a hand crossbow it's weird to go hand crossbow + melee weapon and have the character stand back and stab from the back line after taking a primary ranged shot.
One of the things I was using there replacement attacks for was for action sequencing + animations in general, so that I could ensure that if someone was using a spear they'd thrust, etc.; I'm likely overcomplicating this though!