This was a lovely character piece! Though it felt a little slow at times, overall you definitely kept my interst with details in the dialog. The story had a very grounded, real feeling to it too... I especially liked when Max tried to get Lyra into animal crossing.
Also, I found it really interesting how Max and Lyra are both lonely and struggling with their passions/professions, but express it in such different ways. They truly are perfect for each other and have wonderful chemistry <3
The only small thing I'd suggest is to be on the lookout for Max describing someting about Lyra using the specific phrases "cute or "heart a flutter" . I noticed this was repeated quite a few times throughout, to the point where it started to feel repetitive and flat. Max is extremely observant from what I encountered, so I'm sure she'd pick up on more details about Lyra than just her overall "cuteness" :) I'm sure swapping out the cute descriptive with some specific details that Max notices in each of these encounters will bring the story and relationship to a whole new level.
Really well done with this project! Keep up the good work! -Sasha
Hello! Thanks so much for playing and leaving some feedback. I'm really glad you enjoyed the story and the characters overall. <3
Thanks for the suggestion. I was sleep-deprived when I posted and didn't read over the whole thing...so I will need to go back at some point and fix that. Thanks for pointing it out!
Also haha FEEL with writing sleep deprived. Sometimes you wake up the next morning and are like... when did I write that? But at the same time, night time is the best time for writing! :D Strongest creativity under the stars.
Comments
your best one so far. is there a reason why comments look like this here? if i go to the main page there are no comments and i can't comment
Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I think I put the most effort into this one out of all of the ones I wrote so I'm glad you think so. :)
I turned off the comment section on the main page because I don't have time to moderate it. Sometimes people will post spam in the comments.
This was a lovely character piece! Though it felt a little slow at times, overall you definitely kept my interst with details in the dialog. The story had a very grounded, real feeling to it too... I especially liked when Max tried to get Lyra into animal crossing.
Also, I found it really interesting how Max and Lyra are both lonely and struggling with their passions/professions, but express it in such different ways. They truly are perfect for each other and have wonderful chemistry <3
The only small thing I'd suggest is to be on the lookout for Max describing someting about Lyra using the specific phrases "cute or "heart a flutter" . I noticed this was repeated quite a few times throughout, to the point where it started to feel repetitive and flat. Max is extremely observant from what I encountered, so I'm sure she'd pick up on more details about Lyra than just her overall "cuteness" :) I'm sure swapping out the cute descriptive with some specific details that Max notices in each of these encounters will bring the story and relationship to a whole new level.
Really well done with this project! Keep up the good work!
-Sasha
Hello! Thanks so much for playing and leaving some feedback. I'm really glad you enjoyed the story and the characters overall. <3
Thanks for the suggestion. I was sleep-deprived when I posted and didn't read over the whole thing...so I will need to go back at some point and fix that. Thanks for pointing it out!
No problem! Glad to help! :D
Also haha FEEL with writing sleep deprived. Sometimes you wake up the next morning and are like... when did I write that? But at the same time, night time is the best time for writing! :D Strongest creativity under the stars.
-Sasha