Wow, wow, wow! This is such a good story! The mix between Fungus and Twine, the audio cues, the animated words- all of that came together to make for an amazing reading experience. You took what what I assumed to be two different works and used that as a springboard to tell your own original story and it works so well. I was glued to my seat- I couldn't stop reading. I'm glad Izanagi and Izanami (I won't post spoilers here) worked everything out and destroyed a cursed artifact before it wreaked more havoc.
As an aside I kept thinking this would tie into Homestuck because of your cover image. I never read Homestuck, I only know of the trolls, but I felt like this was Homestuck inspired.
My only criticism for this piece would be to go back and do a final proofread check- I spotted some grammatical errors. Also I think when Izanami says "I", the highlighted words turn up black? Or a really dark font color, so it looks like a missing word space in the Fungus dialogue box.
The overall story between Izanagi & Izanami feels really touching. The relationship between the two and the conversations, the choices you gave to us in this kind of dialogue between two people with romantic interest feel very lifelike and emotionally charged. And I appreciate that sometimes you didn't players more than one options, and I feel like the change of the pace in such fashion definitely gives players a sense of real life, where sometimes you have a choice, but sometimes it seems like you do, but in reality you actually don't.
I appreciate that you are only giving really small chunks of word on each click, which makes the story more friendly to readers. The fact that you have a entire playlist with songs that play in the background based on the progression of the story is awesome. It intensifies the mood so much, and the songs are really dope. There are a lot of elements going on in the story. I was a bit lost with the Spear, the Cave, and the dream.
Real talk, this was so heckin' cool what you did here, great job, friend, like the ending I got almost made me tear up. (Idk how many there are though, oop-)
One bug I saw was one of the lines where Izanagi agrees to help the Spear, the Spear's lines shows up as Izanagi's, the one where it says "let's go find your boyfriend" or something. The description of Izanami also shows up twice. Now, on to the actual feedback.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THAT WAS SO EPIC, JUNE. LITERALLY HOW. There are no images in the game related to plot but somehow I can see everything happening perfectly, which is one of the strongest points about your game. Everything flows extremely smoothly from one passage to the next and I didn't really break immersion once, most likely due to the fantastic mood music you put on.
Some of the choices confused me though, like the ones that had the second bar grayed out or something because I couldn't think of any place where I could've possibly "unlocked" the choice. It also felt a little weird because I couldn't tell if it was the Spear addressing the player or the developer/game addressing the player to do or inform them of something.
Other than that, that was FANTASTIC. Thank you for fun times and cool music.
The idea of changing the narrative based on what Izanagi said is interesting. The whole thing wrapped around nicely at the end. Music established the tone very well. Generally it felt very good to play. Decent amount of choices. It's well done. I didn't get stuck and didn't see herobrine
I have the highest expectations. This thumbnail image is giving me the most intense whiplash and I'm scared.
OH MY GOD EVANS AND WOLVERTON MAKE A SECOND DEBUT you maddened being
This is lovely. I like how it doesn't even attempt to have visuals, though it paints a very nice picture in my mind nonetheless. I get quite a nice character-agency through it; pacing the text and using music really helps to set a tone that simple plain-twine is incapable of doing. For all intents and purposes, in terms of imagery and feeling, you're cheating!
But that's okay. You used Unity! I can't blame that!
From now on, I'll just critique the writing and such.
I adore the concept of "accidental retconning". At first I truly believed that Izanagi and Izanami were simply playing mystery rather than truly solving them, which is why the latter of the two mentioned home rule. So what's the deal with that? It's a bit crazy. I'm interested to see where this goes...
So far, though, I've enjoyed the dynamic between the two main characters and the intrigue present in the story.
I like how all the conflicting retcons are going between the two; Izanami probably thinking of The Cave by SIAMES, thinking Izanagi would get the spear as she got out... All that, now affecting the player!
Someone watched the Mystery Skulls AMVs. This entire thing is one single meta-joke-reference abomination and I love it.
So June's the antagonist! You damnable demon antagonist. I loved this one, but GOSH there were a few bugs which hurted a bit.
Whenever there's dialogue which results in a choice, sometimes you simply cannot read the dialogue properly before the choice pops up over it. When clicking to advance dialogue before a choice, the choice will appear instantly! Maybe shift the dialogue when the choice appears, or vice versa?
Aside from that, though, damned good. I'm impressed with how much music can help, and though I can't exactly play through it again due to time restraints, I'm wondering if there are more endings...
i love that phrase- one single meta joke reference abmoniation. thats what i strive for a lot of my stuff to be! im also glad you got a lot of the references, lol
thank you for the UI suggestion-its one of those things you dont notice if youre a developer on the game. good eye on that front!
Wow, I really enjoyed playing through this! Unfortunately it looks like I got stuck on a screen and can't progress any further, but I thought the dialogue was really nicely written and I really felt for Izanagi and Izanami's relationship. The premise, too, was really interesting and wacky.
The use of songs and audio was really cool too and added to the narrative in a nice way. Though I will say the first song that's used during the Wolverton part felt just a little bit unfitting for that scene for me? Maybe it's just because it was right after the dramatic introduction. But most of the time it really added to the experience and immersion. I'm the kind of person who always has to be listening to background music when doing tasks so I really enjoyed you putting these touches in here, it helped me concentrate a lot. Plus, the text effects were really cool and helped convey a lot of emotion. Overall really well done!
(a note that the screen I got stuck on is Izanagi saying "Well, what do you want me to say? Did you want me to lie??" inside the cave)
Comments
Wow, wow, wow! This is such a good story! The mix between Fungus and Twine, the audio cues, the animated words- all of that came together to make for an amazing reading experience. You took what what I assumed to be two different works and used that as a springboard to tell your own original story and it works so well. I was glued to my seat- I couldn't stop reading. I'm glad Izanagi and Izanami (I won't post spoilers here) worked everything out and destroyed a cursed artifact before it wreaked more havoc.
As an aside I kept thinking this would tie into Homestuck because of your cover image. I never read Homestuck, I only know of the trolls, but I felt like this was Homestuck inspired.
My only criticism for this piece would be to go back and do a final proofread check- I spotted some grammatical errors. Also I think when Izanami says "I", the highlighted words turn up black? Or a really dark font color, so it looks like a missing word space in the Fungus dialogue box.
Great work!
-Christine
The overall story between Izanagi & Izanami feels really touching. The relationship between the two and the conversations, the choices you gave to us in this kind of dialogue between two people with romantic interest feel very lifelike and emotionally charged. And I appreciate that sometimes you didn't players more than one options, and I feel like the change of the pace in such fashion definitely gives players a sense of real life, where sometimes you have a choice, but sometimes it seems like you do, but in reality you actually don't.
I appreciate that you are only giving really small chunks of word on each click, which makes the story more friendly to readers. The fact that you have a entire playlist with songs that play in the background based on the progression of the story is awesome. It intensifies the mood so much, and the songs are really dope. There are a lot of elements going on in the story. I was a bit lost with the Spear, the Cave, and the dream.
Izanagi & Izanami Playlist, when???
Real talk, this was so heckin' cool what you did here, great job, friend, like the ending I got almost made me tear up. (Idk how many there are though, oop-)
One bug I saw was one of the lines where Izanagi agrees to help the Spear, the Spear's lines shows up as Izanagi's, the one where it says "let's go find your boyfriend" or something. The description of Izanami also shows up twice. Now, on to the actual feedback.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THAT WAS SO EPIC, JUNE. LITERALLY HOW. There are no images in the game related to plot but somehow I can see everything happening perfectly, which is one of the strongest points about your game. Everything flows extremely smoothly from one passage to the next and I didn't really break immersion once, most likely due to the fantastic mood music you put on.
Some of the choices confused me though, like the ones that had the second bar grayed out or something because I couldn't think of any place where I could've possibly "unlocked" the choice. It also felt a little weird because I couldn't tell if it was the Spear addressing the player or the developer/game addressing the player to do or inform them of something.
Other than that, that was FANTASTIC. Thank you for fun times and cool music.
The idea of changing the narrative based on what Izanagi said is interesting. The whole thing wrapped around nicely at the end. Music established the tone very well. Generally it felt very good to play. Decent amount of choices. It's well done. I didn't get stuck and didn't see herobrine
I have the highest expectations. This thumbnail image is giving me the most intense whiplash and I'm scared.
OH MY GOD EVANS AND WOLVERTON MAKE A SECOND DEBUT you maddened being
This is lovely. I like how it doesn't even attempt to have visuals, though it paints a very nice picture in my mind nonetheless. I get quite a nice character-agency through it; pacing the text and using music really helps to set a tone that simple plain-twine is incapable of doing. For all intents and purposes, in terms of imagery and feeling, you're cheating!
But that's okay. You used Unity! I can't blame that!
From now on, I'll just critique the writing and such.
I adore the concept of "accidental retconning". At first I truly believed that Izanagi and Izanami were simply playing mystery rather than truly solving them, which is why the latter of the two mentioned home rule. So what's the deal with that? It's a bit crazy. I'm interested to see where this goes...
So far, though, I've enjoyed the dynamic between the two main characters and the intrigue present in the story.
I like how all the conflicting retcons are going between the two; Izanami probably thinking of The Cave by SIAMES, thinking Izanagi would get the spear as she got out... All that, now affecting the player!
Someone watched the Mystery Skulls AMVs. This entire thing is one single meta-joke-reference abomination and I love it.
So June's the antagonist! You damnable demon antagonist. I loved this one, but GOSH there were a few bugs which hurted a bit.
Whenever there's dialogue which results in a choice, sometimes you simply cannot read the dialogue properly before the choice pops up over it. When clicking to advance dialogue before a choice, the choice will appear instantly! Maybe shift the dialogue when the choice appears, or vice versa?
Aside from that, though, damned good. I'm impressed with how much music can help, and though I can't exactly play through it again due to time restraints, I'm wondering if there are more endings...
i love that phrase- one single meta joke reference abmoniation. thats what i strive for a lot of my stuff to be! im also glad you got a lot of the references, lol
thank you for the UI suggestion-its one of those things you dont notice if youre a developer on the game. good eye on that front!
Wow, I really enjoyed playing through this! Unfortunately it looks like I got stuck on a screen and can't progress any further, but I thought the dialogue was really nicely written and I really felt for Izanagi and Izanami's relationship. The premise, too, was really interesting and wacky.
The use of songs and audio was really cool too and added to the narrative in a nice way. Though I will say the first song that's used during the Wolverton part felt just a little bit unfitting for that scene for me? Maybe it's just because it was right after the dramatic introduction. But most of the time it really added to the experience and immersion. I'm the kind of person who always has to be listening to background music when doing tasks so I really enjoyed you putting these touches in here, it helped me concentrate a lot. Plus, the text effects were really cool and helped convey a lot of emotion. Overall really well done!
(a note that the screen I got stuck on is Izanagi saying "Well, what do you want me to say? Did you want me to lie??" inside the cave)
yessss this project was just an excuse for "here are some songs june likes"