"Super Weenie Hut Jr." by Skaetlett (twitter). In the author's words this can be described as "Poetry about dissociation, messy breakups, trauma, and the search for healing." I think for anyone who has gone through a very difficult breakup (especially with how gayness and/or transness can complicate that) this book is really going to resonate. If you've had some time away from that breakup, maybe you'll find it cathartic . . . but if it's still nearby don't feel bad if this isn't for you or if you have to take it slow. I definitely remember having these feelings about my first gay relationship because of how deeply it affected my life and how much I went through in dealing with it, getting over it, and moving on from it. Sometimes when that happens to you as a teenager it can stay with you for a very long time as a young adult trying to unlearn that. 

The good news (I suppose) is that as cliche as it is time really does help it stop hurting. I would say writing a lot of poetry to get your feelings out about it is also a pretty great step in learning how to let go. A lot of us have had thoughts just like this, and it can always be surprising to realize you aren't alone in having had them when you read them on the page. It's intense, maybe embarrassing to ever admit to anyone, much less yourself. But that's what makes it so real. Admitting even the thoughts no one wants to admit they have in response to relationships. Not the relationships with mental illness mainstream narratives like to paint as 'palatable'.

"I hope that one day I’ll look back on you leaving me and see it as all worth it. And I hope I never have to see you again"