Play book
Trade Winds of Ajaire's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Printable (no adult, declamatory etc content) | #1 | n/a | n/a |
| Clever use of the 'key' theme | #6 | 3.333 | 3.333 |
| Overall engagement | #7 | 3.000 | 3.000 |
| Gamelike elements, items, multiple paths etc | #7 | 2.833 | 2.833 |
| Overall | #7 | 3.056 | 3.056 |
Ranked from 6 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
I think I liked the direction, but I agree that the thing about directing a story instead of a character confused me. I think the issue is that sometimes you are directing the character and sometimes your directing the story. I think you should have one or the other but not both, and explain that this is happening at the start,
I really like that the premise of this adventure is a trade agreement rather than a dungeon or other overused gamebook trope. The lengthy introduction really sets the scene. And the plot is very interesting for such a short narrative.
My only negative criticism is that there are some problems with the language. There is too much use of pronouns. For example, the use of 'they' right at the end of the introduction confused me at first - I had to reread a previous paragraph to find out who the pronoun referred to. And when you start a paragraph - for example 5 - I really think you should name 'Dale and his bodyguards' rather than using the anonymous pronoun. It's a little strange that 'And the monkey disappears from view...' is a player choice. It would make more sense written as something like 'Dale runs after the monkey'. You slipped into past tense a couple of times - it was most disconcerting.
Thanks for your feedback, which has valid points. I will work on these post-competition to further polish this micro gamebook. As for the example of player choice being a little strange, I was going for the reader directs the story type of gamebook, where as you know some choices leads to a scene without the main character being present. But I can understand how some lines like that being unconventional to the norm of choices can throw readers off, I will correct that after the competition. Thanks again.
Good short story, I like it! :)
I have recently re-uploaded both files to fix a broken path which was at Section 2 having an option to goto 7 when it was suppose to be 17. I posted a comment about this, but it seems it only appeared on the project page and not here.