evil lives on <3

i try not to get too personal whenever i review ... well, anything. but this is an essay that comes from personal experience, thought, feelings, etc. and i want to share something because i can and because it feels relevant to the topic at hand.

i'm someone who was always sort of into things that were outside the norm -- my first experiences on the internet were with creepypasta x reader fanfic and i've since moved onto much brighter and more normal pastures like danganronpa oc rp on discord. even within those communities there's a sanitation, as there is everywhere on the internet. gore is fine, torture is a-ok, but anythng even remotely sexual isn't. anything even remotely too close to self-indulgence has to have some deeper meaning behind it -- the standard has changed from when i started five years ago, people expect more. it's no longer just a place to have fun, it's a place that's also bound by the rules and expectations of a growing community. 

i've had a lot of experiences over the last two or so years grappling with these facts, breaking out of where i've been told to be comfortable, what i can and can't do and questioning why, questioning where these feelings go if not with a group of people i consider my community.

what i mean to say is that the places i've had most of my formative experiences when it comes to writing and creativity have been limited in their scope. i've since been able to take the advice i myself give to others to heart -- there is a space for everything, there are people who will enjoy what you create should you have enjoyment for creating it. i have m own little corner of the internet, intersecting with other people who write and ponder the same kinds of things i do. it is wonderful to break the mold when it comes to creativity. it's, as creatives, something we can take pride in doing when the opportunity presents itself.

i really like the way you wrote this. i really do. i wish i had seen it so much longer ago -- it helps with that puritan mindset i and a lot of other people have or had about their creations. a fetish, in one definition, is 'an excessive and irrational devotion or commitment to a particular thing'. i've thought a lot about this definition in the last while.

is the phrase 'you are what you eat' applicable to things like love, too? is that why it's so gratifying to fixate on and revere a concept or idea or thing and show it to another -- to be acknowledged and accepted? there is a part of me, perhaps small in size but no less present, that is wholly consumed by the natural made unnatural, to what was never within social bounds in the first place. 

being a freak is fun, actually. i like putting bits of myself into my writing. that's how people know it's mine -- i offer an aorta, a vein, some part of my being that i cannot function without on a platter and, to some, they accept with a smile. offer something similar in turn.

more creatives should learn to kill the sjw and puritan in their head that ascribes morality to thoughts, to interests, to self-fulfilling acts of indulgence. more people in general, really, but we should have more art in the world that's made by loud and proud freaks about anything- distort that passion until it's something beautiful and eldritch and breathtaking. 

thanks for the essay. i hope you have a good day.

hahahahaha yesssssss