we live in a horrifically evil nightmare. you're not crazy to notice that and you're not alone in doing so. unfortunately it's not just the US, nor Europe, nor only white people - the root of the problem, which keeps teaching people to be bigots and to thirst for imperialist wars, is the presence of an autocratic class of rulers, who can wield that autocracy to exploit workers and the poor. in the old days it was emperors and khans and kings and lords; now it's done in a slightly more obfuscated way by landlords and employers and lenders and speculators. every single country on earth is woven into the global network of capitalism. there is no escape but worldwide revolution. i hope you and your family can survive as best you can and i hope we all bring justice and fairness to the world one day. living in Salt Lake City full of fascist, superstitious psychopaths sounds like hell. my country is also disgustingly, repulsively, hideously racist. i recommend learning the real history and ideas of Marxism and reading about the revolutionary times in the past where societies nearly broke free of our chains - it can bring hope and make you feel more sane in a world that is overrun by evil. also, if you're suffering from depression, anxiety, PTSD etc., medication can really help to make things more bearable. it's very hard to talk about these problems with anyone because such a tiny fraction of the population are even willing to acknowledge society is currently evil, which means it's even harder to find friends and psychologists and doctors and romantic partners whom you can talk about this with. you're a very, very talented programmer with a rare gift and it saddens me how many people like you are prevented from improving the world with their abilities by the crushing injustice and inefficiency of ruling-class society. i'm very sorry things are this bad and i wish you the best.