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Zoinkers32

2
Posts
A member registered Nov 26, 2022

Recent community posts

Understandable. The best outcome was the world cup deciding the argument but that went out the window 馃拃.

Good to hear that i'm meeting with my old friend Chekhov soon.

Following on from your "talk like a posh English robot" point - Yeah, I completely agree. This is what I meant when I said characters feel human. If i'm talking to my friend Dave down at the pub and he says, "i'm going to walk up to the bar to go and order some drinks, moreover, im then going to go to..." instead of "i'm gonna go get some drinks, and then im off to...", Dave is going to get bullied. Like sure it doesn't sound as fancy, but it makes the dialogue human.

Not sure if you're active on f95Zone, but i left a review there, so i'll post it here too. Wall of text inc:

A largely promising first release. Quite a considerable amount of content for a first release too, if that's what you're looking for. Onto the game itself:

Story: You're joining a football - not soccer, sue me - team, and get appointed as co-captain. Simple enough, but what i didn't expect was for me to actually feel joy when the Lions (team's name) won a match, and sorrow when they lost - gave me a weird sense of patriotism for a fictional team for a sport that I honestly never cared for.

 And there's the whole 'Chekov's gun key' situation seems like i'd be brought up again, and i'm hopeful to see the outcome.

Characters: When writing a story, it is vital that the characters are done right. This is even a point brought up in an event with one of the characters. The characters that are here feel... human. They feel as if they serve a purpose, with their distinct personalities. Sure some can feel 'token' but I feel as if there is room for growth and development.

Grammar/language: The dev is clearly a native English speaker - or has a proofreader worth their salt. I can't remember seeing any grammar inconsistencies, miss-spellings, or anything of the sort. It was well written, not just grammar wise but the colloquialism of conversation was a breath of fresh air, from many VN's that use over the top - advanced language, that people wouldn't use in day to day conversations. If i had a pound for every time i'd read the word "moreover" in other pieces of writing. Seriously, has anyone ever used the word 'moreover' when speaking to someone before?

The naughty stuff: It's there. Somewhat. It's a first release, so i didn't expect to see every character with their legs behind their heads, and that's a good thing. Any good character needs thorough introductions before the time comes for their inevitable introduction to the MC's jackhammer. Obligatory dream sequence was present, as is a staple, though forgiveness points are awarded as the character in the dream made me laugh quite a few times.

I'm rambling. Anyway, tl;dr for those that don't want to read my short novel:
Promising first release with a decent bit of content to start. Characters with development, personalities and room for growth. Grammar is largely perfect with great writing to go along with it. *bonk* scenes will follow in future updates, character/relationship building (rightly so) needs to happen first.

...makes me wonder why i didn't just start off with that.