Wow. This is such an intensely, emotionally raw game, thank you for having the courage to share your experiences like this. I don't think I could ever truly understand exactly how you felt but your emotions and voice came through loud and clear in this, and really resonated with me as another trans person with...complex feelings around sex and being worthy of being loved. I'm sure you already understand this but I just wanted to say you are lovable and important and nothing can take that from you. Nothing.
I hope your days are lighter and more peaceful now, and I wish you all the healing, love, safety, and comfort in the world.