Well, there's a lot to unpack here.
I appreciate the stylizing on this page, the text font is pretty dang cool. But, about the "game"..
With such little to criticize, I guess I can just point out a few things, like the grammar, and the amount of time it takes to get between cutscenes. Other than that, there's literally nothing else to go off of, but, at least the foundation is here. Like white bread. You just need to toss some ingredients in there to make a proper sandwich.
If you need help with proofreading, please contact me, and I'll volunteer - just, y'know, have actual material before contacting me, haha.