itch.io

Happy cake day, fella. Found this game around a month ago, got really excited about it, not only because if the absolutely incredible art, but because of the exotic plot itself. Hope this project doesn't gets abandoned, and hope ya have a really good birthday.

Although a bit experienced with writing both nsfw and sfw stuff, I can't give a lot of advice, as styles may vary greatly. Still, I would give a more in-depth description of everything that can be described; some more "steamy" descriptions regarding the interaction between the bodies of the individuals involved in the "act", like, how they feel internally and externally (perhaps changing as per previous choices/interactions?), how the enviroment they're in affects their act and all that. I'd also recommend take a look on other works, take them as examples and improve your style's description/length.

It's a damn good game, it has a pretty interesting plot and quite a lot of potential, actually. I'd say that my only complain would be the descriptions and length of the sex scenes, as the currently present ones feel slightly "dull".