Fascinating concept. The execution was a little clumsy at times and especially towards the end where I started to lose the thread. The shifting perspective between past and present left me feeling a bit of whiplash.
It was a challenge. Stream-of-consciousness is very difficult to pull off but it's also my favorite perspective to read and write so yes, I made it hard on myself. I also limited the protagonist's speech to limit prepositions to make him sound more quick thinking, hence the sometimes stilted statements.
Thank you for reading and giving feedback. Glad you enjoyed it.
Thanks! I love stream-of-conciousness perspectives and try to make it work in a few stories. I wanted the Rat to be a fast thinker, a prey animal constantly evaluating threats around him. Contrast that with the Tech Cultist being slow and ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME.
This story has some good bones, but the short version is incomplete. It feels like a chapter of a longer story instead of a self-contained one. Being marooned and struggling to survive is an excellent trope to work from and has a long history of good stories, Swiss Family Robinson, Tarzan, Lost in Space, Treasure Island, and The Cay, and I feel if you focused more on this instead of the scape it would come together much better within the restrictions of the challenge. Give it a few more passes, think about the themes and story beats you want to focus on, and go from there. Keep up the good work.
