itch.io

Oh wow! I was not expecting that confession from Corinne. I love that we're getting more backstory on her, not only on her time in the army but of her family life as well. I can't wait for her reaction when we confirm her suspicions.

I love the individual moments we get to share with each RO, even with the fight at the end, it felt like a moment of reprieve to enjoy time with them after the battle. The teasing and banter at the planning table made me chuckle.

You're doing great work, can't wait to see what comes next. 👍💜💜

You can buy them in the JT Ult department store in town, they're under Housewares

I really liked this, it was very fun! However, I'm confused. I thought I had gotten the good ending with Angel. I encouraged her to kill her manager, she was happy, we spent the night together, I was playing Mafia with the group at the end, Ronin was okay with me, Luca and Feli were together, and I decided to stay with the group. Nothing seemingly bad happened but it had said I had gotten the "'Bad' Ending: Nothing Good Comes From Dating A Serial Killer"?

Ahhhhh! Ferret, it's so good to be reading about you again as well as Keiko! 💜💜Your spirit continues to live on in my Cantata pet, they certainly have the same attitude. 🦦

Thank you for the extended dialogue, Fir! It was so nice to see not only the updated format of the story, but all the characters again after re-reading. Chapter 10 will forever be heartbreaking though 😭.

Congratulations, Fir! I can't believe it's already been a year, I'm glad to have been able to read this since the day of it's release. Will always be a supporter here and there when you need me 💜💜.

I'm glad to see this work wasn't abandoned! I liked the new chapter, I can definitely see a jump in improvement in writing and coding, like being able to spend more one-on-one time with the ROs and having more dialogue choices. 

Since I know you intend to put in poly routes for some of the characters, I'm waiting until it's more finalized before I choose which ROs to go for since almost all of them interest me. Ciel, in particular, is my favorite; I like the struggle she's having in choosing between her duty as a soldier and her affections for the MC. 

I do have one point of criticism. Is the MC's lack of control of their anger a primary point in the story? I only ask because while Chapter 3 has shown more choices in what the MC can say, it doesn't really prelude to any personality that could possibly be shown in text; more so just serves the romance aspect of the IF but not the story. Any time the personality of the MC is shown, it feels like it's just used as a tool to move the story forward rather than it being a consequence of our choices. If the MC's impulsive behavior is an important driving point in the story, then I completely understand. It's your story and if that kind of personality is needed to move the story along, or even maybe to serve some a coming-of-age plot, then I'll still happily read the rest of the IF like that.

I only point it out because it seems like there's so much focus on how the ROs are presented that there's not much thought on how the MC is presented. It feels less like a playable character and more like reading a self insert of a fanfic since I can't control how the MC behaves in situations. I don't mean for this to discourage you, even with this flaw, I do still enjoy the IF and would want to read more; I just hope to reflect back to you on what could be improved. 

I hope you keep up the good work and can't wait to see where you drive the story! 💜

Your regular updates are always amazing! 💜I like how this chapter really focuses on the small details of choices we've made in the past.

And of course, it's great to interact with the ROs more. Corinne is so wonderful and thoughtful, always making sure we're looking before talking, almost makes me want to kick my feet! 🥰

Take some good rest, Fir! You earned it. 👍

"Nothing at all interesting happens in this chapter."

Not suspicious at all...

💜💜💜

Had to extinguish the flames of everyone's ire? 😂

We got RO love back to back! Seeing our lovely Viatica crew once again and then meeting our new beloveds! I would jump into a burning building if it meant Corinne saves me again 💜💜.

Thanks for the chapter, Fir! Keep doing what you do, amazing work as always.

(Puts away pitchfork)

I just wanted to let you know this is not proper viewership etiquette. It's one thing to question a part of the story and make a suggestion, it's another thing to ask the author to rework multiple parts of their story, even if it's just small changes, to fit your needs.

I can understand wanting there to be more inclusion for viewership and having a trans option for the MC is a valid concern. But the author has clearly stated that they didn't feel like they could write it in a realistic way, especially considering this is their first IF. 

This work focuses on self-discovery, the importance of words, and growing outside of what the society tells you is acceptable. I believe that's puts even more importance that if the author decided to place in a trans option for the MC, it should be clear and explicit and properly shed light on the struggles a trans person has when first questioning their identity. It shouldn't be vague remarks here and there that have nothing to do with the story.

As Orangeflavor has pointed out, there are many other aspects of identity that isn't addressed in the story. Are you saying that the author should make vague remarks about them too? They should edit their story to include ambiguous suggestions to those identities that would only work to confuse the reader of who they're actually playing? As you've said, these identities and the role of gender have absolutely nothing to do with the main story line, so why the hell would the author put in any notes of them if they're not going to mentioned again later on? It's a very ignorant ask of any viewer to want the author to make changes to several parts of their story. Especially with an IF, where the author has to write and code it out properly.

This story was one made out of love and something the author was very clearly excited to show the world. I'd much rather the author write the story as they have and be happy with it, rather than the author makes several small ambiguous changes to the writing and be unhappy and uncomfortable with giving an important journey a flawed execution.

Instead of dragging this whole thing out with your multi-paragraphed "advice," the proper response to this entire thing would've been to address your critique to author, possibly make a short suggestion of what could've been done, and if the author said they couldn't do that for whatever reason, then you thank them for responding and move on. If you cannot enjoy a story without a certain detail being included, then just don't read the story. Read another that's already fitted to your preference, don't make the author feel bad about not including a detail they felt they couldn't realistically write and then tell them how they should write their story.

AHHHHH! It's finally out! I'm so happy you decided to create another IF, which of course is already amazing with the first chapter. With this being something you're making as you go, instead of with a base story like Viatica, I can't wait to see where you'll go with this and the ideas you'll come up with. I'm sure you're already loving the codex, stats, and save features 😂

I especially can't wait for the RO art so that I can see Corinne in person 💜

Congratulations on your second IF debut!!! 🥳🎉

Ahhhhhh, it's finished! Fir, you lying little snake! 😂

Like I said before, this ending is bittersweet for me. I'm glad to get my happy ending with Ferret and our daughter, (I'm sure I'll be stuck with bathing duty from now on), but it's sad to have this great work come to an end, it's one of my favorite post-apocalyptic IFs out there!

Great work as always! I love how each character got to fight the guard they each personally had a vendetta against. Heron against the Wasp that cruel to the feeders, Ferret against the Weasel who took away her child, and Lion against the Pig who took away his friend.  And marking a new start with a new journal entry was a brilliant way to bring it full circle!

I'm sure Fawn and Bison are looking on happily at us! Speaking of which, I had wished there was a scene where the whole City would've gotten to mourn those they lost properly, a memorial of some kind? But I guess with the amount of deaths the guard caused and the forced apathy the workers had to put on, it would be hard to remember all who were gone. 😓😓

Well done, Fir! You've earned a well deserved break!

Aww, I'm happy you remember me so!💜 I'll always enjoy returning to this IF and talking to you.

I won't lie either then, I've re-read her route multiple times so that I can gush over the moments with her. ☺️

It's always nice hearing from you!

YES!! Let the fighting begin! Incredible chapter as always, you can really feel every point of the story coming together and it brings that satisfying feel of completion. 

And awwwwwww, Ferret is so cute! Meeting the parent and naming them all the while being so bitter is so adorable🥰🥰. I'm glad she'll finally be able to do what she's been wanting to do since meeting her... take back from the guard. I really hope she gets to be a mother again, and I, in turn, as well.

I can't wait for the final chapter, take all the time you need for it. When that update comes, I'll be filled with a bittersweet feeling.

Bye Fir!

Shit... way to break my heart 💔Don't take me away from Ferret, please.

Amazing work as always, I can't wait to see how they can recover from this. Can't believe there's only two chapters left... 😢

Just call me Power or Powermind! Take as much time as you need for the chapters, I'm sure they'll be good no matter how long. I'm just glad you're working on this IF because like we've discussed before, there are so many unfinished IFs on itch.io.

Now you got me intrigued for what's in store 🤔 May I ask how many chapters you plan on making this?

It's great hearing from you too! Love the new artwork Isabela made, by the way.

I come back to itch.io after a few stressful weeks to find out this IF was update two weeks ago! You posted more chapters faster than I thought.

I'm certainly not complaining and I'm definitely not disappointed, though that cliffhanger should be illegal 😂. I'm glad to see my suspicions from when I first read this were correct, I can't wait to see how these interactions will develop.

I love the build-up these last two chapters make; while the chapters before that show the wonder and curiosity of the characters as they are exposed to all these new things, now you can see them starting to fully process just how restricted the people of the City are and the anger and resentment practically radiates from them. Reading this feels like music that is slowly getting louder with each little act of rebellion until, hopefully in later chapters, it will reach into a big crescendo where the characters finally had enough. 

Thank you for the update, keep up the amazing work!

Thank you for the reply! And as I said, after reading this work, I couldn't not show my adoration for it, so I'm glad to have this work to be the first (and quite possibly only) one I commented on.

And that makes sense about Chapbook, I've never made IFs of any kind nor know anything about Twine, so I'm good to just be able to read this in the first place. I've seen other comments asking about the save system as well, but there's no pressure to try to create one. If I want to remake a choice, I'll happily just quickly replay. I've done that plenty of times with other IFs when the last save point I made was further back in the story than I thought. And I agree about the novel-like format of Chapbook, it seems to fit with the writing well!

Dystopia/post-apocalypse is definitely an amazing genre, I used to take a class entirely focused on dystopian writing. Fahrenheit 451 is a great book, I've read it multiple times, though I can only say I read about a third of 1984 because the interactions and thought processes of Winston and Julia were kind of... uncomfortable. Though I can understand fans of book because from what I remember, the world 1984 created was very interesting and I saw many parallel concepts to real life.

I'm also glad that this is the kind of story that you've already written before and are remaking into an IF, meaning it's more likely that you'll actually finish this. It's so hard to find good quality and completed IFs on itch.io... 😭

Oh, there was also another compliment I forgot to give in my last comment! I thought the animal naming was really creative, it makes sense that everyone would name themselves after something they've only read in books. I didn't even connect the dots that they were all named after animals until I got to that part of the story. 😅And I had never seen the limited option of what to name yourself before, most other IFs allow you to type your own name into it, so I was surprised about that!

Warning: Small Spoilers!

Okay, so I never leave comments on pieces of work. I always just like to read them and let others comment their mutual appreciation to the author. But after reading this and reading your bio, (I always like to click on the author's profile of any IFs I like to see if they have any other work or recommendations), I felt like I just had to write my admiration of what you've written so far, so I created an account on itch.io just for it!

Everything is amazing so far, dystopian/post-apocalyptic are one of my favorite genres so my interest was peaked immediately. Kudos to both you and your sister for the awesome story telling, this reminds me of Fahrenheit 451, but it's still unique in another way. I love the switching back and forth between the MC and the diary entries of the first settlers of The City; it's interesting to see the development of what first started out as a way to help guide people and rebuild society, only to turn into something so controlling, restrictive, and what seems to be far away from the initial intentions of the author of the diary entries. 

The art is great, Isabela did an amazing job with that! I kept the story and this page on different tabs so that I can switch between to look at the characters again and imagine them better in my head as I continued reading. And the music fits perfectly with the story as well! I'm romancing Ferret and as I was imagining her scene in the rain, I couldn't help but notice the music you paired with it had fit so well. It felt like watching a dramatic scene from movie!

The only small critique I have is that I would like for there to be a place where I can click, save, and load my progress at different points of the story.

For the amount of effort you've clearly put into this, from the writing to the commissioned art to the pairing of music to different scenes, it's hard to believe that this if your first IF! I can't wait to see where you take this story and the interactions we'll get to have with the other characters. After finishing this story, if you ever decide to make any other IFs, you can guarantee I'll read those as well.

Astounding job so far, keep up with the good work!