TOP SECRET - DECLASSIFIED - CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY
11/27/2023
OFFICIAL PRESIDENTIAL REVIEW - AUDIO TRANSCRIPT
"HAZELNUT LATTE" UPDATE "0.8"
BIDEN: "Yeah, Jack, this is an amazing game here. Reminds me of a couple of times back in Scranton, there was this coffee shop. Run by this blond-haired girl who looked sorta like the one in the game. Her name might have been Linda? Lauren? Maybe Le-"
SECRET SERVICE AGENT: "Um, what about the game, Mr. President?"
B: "Oh, right, which game?"
SSA: "Uh, 'Hazelnut Latte', sir."
B: "Oh yeah, that one. It doesn't make sense sometimes- why did she have a chainsaw?"
SSA: "She was dressing up as a character from a movie, sir. Evil Dead"
B: "What? 'Weevil Bread'?"
SSA: "No sir, 'Evil Dead'. It's a zombie film"
B: "Oh, I don't like zombie films. Reminds me of my mirror too much. Anyway, this girl- is she a girl? I can't tell."
SSA: "Uh, I think she's actually a he, sir."
B: (muffled) "-h! Sorry, the microphone fell over. What'd you say?"
SSA: "Hazel is a man, sir."
B: "What!? C'mon man, I'm not that old! Surely I woulda noticed that."
SSA: "It's pretty blatant, Mr. President"
B: (muffled) "-op? I might need to look into getting some glasses."
SSA: "What about the review, sir?"
B: "What? Oh, right. I liked it."
END TRANSCRIPT
FINAL RATING: APPROVED
