Man I really love your content so much, I didn't think I'd like your short form games so much. I do think that the whole writing thing isn't that big of an issue, but it does feel like you're introducing cute new girls left and right out of nowhere and for me in this game specifically it just muddys everything and it feels confusing to say the least. I do think that if you wanted to make a longer game like this, it would be best to take things slowly and decide where to go from there.
Otherwise, keep up the awesome work and would like to see more of the short form games that you have been dishing out. I'm sorry I couldn't be a more dedicated fan because I'm on a budget and am really money-conscious.
:)