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Pheline

68
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3
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A member registered Nov 10, 2019

Recent community posts

The beginning of this game was so polished that I joined the Patreon before I even finished chapter 1.  I will report back when I get farther along!

That's one comment I forgot about - I was a bit annoyed at getting forced into the Tanesha date.  I don't have any problem with the character - she's gorgeous, but one of my playthroughs was trying to limit things to Naomi and Lyanna, and I felt like I'd lost control of the character when I got railroaded into that date.

Warning, mild spoilers for Chapter 4 ahead so I can report issues.

First, let me say thanks for another excellent chapter.  It was jam-packed with scenes!  Some issues below:

At the end of Chapter 3, I happened to save on the "Thanks to all who support me" screen instead of the "Please save your game" screen.  This caused a weird quirk when loading the save in 0.4 - the summary report screen doesn't show up right and that text gets overlaid on the "Thanks" screen.  But you can back up and enter the summary as normal.

Then the cactuar scene - instant LOL.

There's a continuity issue early in Chapter 4 if you're not involved with Lucia.  You still get the Naomi line "when did he take off his boxers?" when there's no reason for it. Also, the "very wet dream" part of a followup line doesn't make as much sense.  Then there's a third line with "having just cum" which also doesn't make sense.

This is trivial, and I know it would be a pain in the ass because of variations in followup scenes, but I really wished I had a choice when car shopping.  But if you have to choose between working on alternate car scenes or more scenes with the girls, I definitely vote for the girls.  :)

I didn't go back and double-check it, but I'm pretty sure there was a typo of "irresistable" (should be irresistible) if you are on the Tanesha path.  But overall the editing was quite good in this chapter.

LMAO at the beginning of Ep4.  That was a WTF moment.  :D

Great job on Tales, and I must say your character models are pretty amazing.  Here's a set of edits for ep2 and ep3.

Ep2

Thim: Nice goings -> Nice going

MC: a abandoned -> an abandoned

Thyia: to take care off -> to take care of

D'ee: males is send down -> males is sent down

text: conferring amount themselves -> conferring among themselves

Ep3

Karan: an larvae -> a larvae

Celine: Come one Kit -> Come on Kit

MC: The Sovereignty don't -> The Sovereignty doesn't

Vess: I'm sure you parents -> I'm sure your parents

text: waver of any risks -> waiver of any risks

Woman: able to pay coming season -> able to pay in the coming season

text: what live in the Middle -> what life in the Middle

text: passed her wet lips -> past her wet lips

text: it's scrambling movements -> its scrambling movements

text: it's jump towards -> its jump towards

Very nicely done.  Some quick corrections to 0.3.1:

Ch1

diffuse -> defuse

feint -> faint

Ch2

acitivity -> activity

Ch3

Its been -> It's been

Lillith -> Lilith

I'd of -> I'd have

Looking forward to the next chapter!

If they are fraternal twins they *don't* have the same genes, that's why the statement is misleading.

"shoot as us" should be "shoot at us"

"will come in firing" should be "comes into firing" and "shot upon" should be "fired upon".

"alleviate of the tension" should be "alleviate the tension".

"Despite that fact that" should be "Despite the fact that".

I debated whether to even post this one, but while "dampening all frequencies" isn't incorrect, this idea would usually be expressed as "jamming all frequencies".  Based on previous writing I assume you are ESL and might not have heard this expression in English, but if I'm wrong or you don't want feedback like this feel free to let me know.

"grief for these" should be "grieve for these".

"when the finally joined" should be "when they finally joined".

"the Kit and Celine's tent" should be "Kit and Celine's tent".

"about what do next" should be "about what to do next".

Minor quibble, but "athletics meant, I often" should not have a comma.

"Genetically they're twins" confuses me, because it implies identical twins, but Eva and Lilly don't look the same.  If you meant them to be fraternal twins I would word that differently.

Looks interesting but I haven't gotten too far yet!

Correction: "it's share" should be "its share".  (Possessive its doesn't have an apostrophe - yes this is a crazy exception.)

Yes, there's a harem ending and it can get quite large!

I'm fairly impressed with the editing quality in the new section of 0.23, but I did run into a quote from Susan, "far to eager" should be "far too eager".

Bella and Susan only say (Love) because there are other options with them.  Rachel and Liza can only be Love so it doesn't bother putting anything there.

Scene with Nia/Selena, "deep groves in the sand" should be "deep grooves in the sand".

Scene with Nia/Selena, "Slipping out your pants" should be "Slipping out of your pants".

Conversation with Nia, "more then hang out" should be "more than hang out".

Sorry for the giant flood of corrections.  To counter with some praise, I will say that I somehow missed the Nia/Selena bar scene on my previous playthrough, and now I'm laughing my ass off at the conversation.

In at least one conversation with Nia, Selena's name is misspelled as "Selina".

Conversation with Liza, "I forgot how tolling".  I understand what you're trying to say, but "tolling" isn't an adjective.  I suggest "taxing", "draining", "fatiguing", or "exhausting".

Conversation with Susan, "I think so to" should be "I think so too".

Day 143 black transition, "hail a cab an travel" should be "hail a cab and travel".

Day 143 scene with Mrs. Steel, "other people of not" should be "other people of note".

Still day 142, scene with Bella/Liza (might be changeable), "Both your sister's take" should be "Both your sisters take".

In the final scene of day 142 (right before leaving), there seems to be a continuity problem where Liza switches from being held by Susan to being held by Bella, according to the text.

Conversation with Rachel, "take our mind of things" should be "take our mind off things".

Another black transition screen, "heads of to the shower" should be "heads off to the shower".

In a scene with Liza, "is quite excerting" isn't right, and even changing it to "exerting" still doesn't work because that's a verb.  I suggest using either "exhausting" or "strenuous".

Scene with Susan, "your are down there" should be "you are down there".

Conversation with James, "So on last round" should be "So one last round".  PS: I love the video game names.  :)

Conversation with Riley, "talk very serious too" should be "talk very seriously too".

Scene with Bella, "hard for to coordinate" should be "hard for her to coordinate".