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A member registered Jun 25, 2018 · View creator page →

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Thank you very much for your feedback!

As I already answered to a different feedback, I honestly have no idea myself how language ended THAT bad, I am probably the one who is most surprised by it. Of course that is no excuse and all I can say regarding this is that I am sorry.

As for CG gallery, this was planned in beginning but it turned out my programing skills weren't enough to make one.  Originally I thought I'll learn how to make one latter in development but than development prolonged A LOT longer than expected and some things from original plan had to drop out for the sake of getting the game done, gallery was one of them.

Both things you hope for ware originally part of my plan, I though after release I would do updates for any mistakes found and maybe even make some DLC's for additional routes (like adding Mao's route).  Additionally I planed that one day when my art significantly improves, or I have budget to hire artists that I would do something along the lines of a full remaster.  I also had a rough idea for my next VN that would take part in a different sector of Astral. That said those ware all plans I had before I actually released this VN and saw that, financially at least, this VN was a huge failure. Now, well I still have a desire to make VNs for a living and as such both a full remaster and another VN in this setting are things I plan to do eventually, just now I need to take a few steps back before I can try myself again at VN making.

That said your feedback encouraged me to consider another option, witch is to do a full editing of text, fixing all mistakes when it comes to language and trying to re-release this game on a bigger platform such as steam. Release on steam was always a part of a plan but after sales here ended up so bad that my earnings wouldn't even cover a 100$ steam release fee I given up on it.  Your post made me realize that I did do some things right after all, opposite of what I started to think and made me rethink my decision. Of course if I do that I will also upload an updated/edited version here as well, but I am not promising anything as I still need do some some thinking before I decide if to go thru with this new idea, and even if I do decide to do this it might take a wile.

Again, thank you for your feedback and thank you for playing 17th Astral!

I don't mind at all, as I said it is nice having someone to talk to about my work.

I'll try to explain it a bit better.

Regarding no good and evil. Look at it this way, if you ware programing a game that has action in it, let's take a classical fantasy game for example, you would need both good and bad guys in it. Now if those characters in your game come to life, could you really judge/punish the bad guys for being what you created them to be? Even if you ware to give them a free will from begging and they choose to be bad by their own free will, you are still the one who made not only the possibility for them to be bad but also made it necessary for someone to be bad in that world for it to work the way you wanted it.  So in the end bad guys would still be doing exactly what you wanted them to do just as much as good guys. As a creator of worlds you would need to create both good and evil and therefore be above it yourself. Rather than something that should and shouldn't be done, both sides are necessary part of that world, neater less than the other.

Regarding choosing to not ascend, just staying were you are. Well in this world ascending, working on yourself spiritually is as basic as breathing, eating, drinking water, you can't choose not to do it without harming yourself (descending) nor is there any reason why would anyone choose not to do it. So to put your question with those examples it would be "You have to choose between eating or starving to death? There are no other choices? This world is forcing me to eat? What about freedom? " Makes no sense right? Just add to this example a factor that you are a child that grows at it eats and that's basically it.  The only way you can stop growing would be if you die. The only difference is that death in case of not ascending spiritually would be spiritual rather than physical (witch is even worse as in this world when you die physically you are just reborn but when your soul dies you're gone for good) and that this death comes way slower, true dozen of lives.

Virus is like a mental illness that convinces people not to ascend/advance and rather to embrace descending, further speeding up self destruction.

I have no idea where you got the idea that getting to astral requires getting rid of your desires or anything like that. It's actually completely opposite of that. I thought I made it clear in VN that the more you advance the more you are in every way and that that includes the more you can experience. Sure there are temporary setbacks like one can't eat food that doesn't have a physical manifestation and is pure energy until one learns how, but once one does they can experience joy of flavor like they couldn't possibly experience before, not to mention the endless possibilities of flavors that one can create with Godly powers. Advancing is obtaining more in every way, not giving up on things.

Witch is just one more reason why in this world nobody would ever choose not to ascend other than being infected with a virus.

Thank you for the replay. It's really nice to get some feedback on my work.

First regarding Mao route, I did consider adding a route for her, but time just didn't allow it. By the time I finished those five routes I was already twice over the time I was originally planing to devote to making this VN (I worked on it for 13 months and had originally planed to make it in 6). I also considered doing something a long the lines of DLC routes for Mao, Nene and a new character later on, but sales don't justify to do that now.  Maybe someday in a future if I ever decide to do a full remaster... maybe...

As for the story,

In the world of this VN the more one advances spiritually the more one is intelligent, emotional, reasonable/sane, conscious, pretty much everything, and the opposite is also true, so yea the ones who have accepted a virus have so low of any of those that that they are beyond hope and just something to be extinguished witch is clearly understood by characters and the reason why they treat them as such. In this world there are only two possibilities for a future, advance and reach Godhood or case to exist, and virus embraced ones that have descended to such low levels that they have no chance of ever reaching Godhood and could as well not exist as it's only a matter of time before they do stop existing completely (True they already have so low consciousnesses that they current state could barely even be considered existing/living) and during that time they cannot contribute to anything, just destroy and taint everything they touch . They represent the worst of humanity but not in some subjective moral god or evil way more in an being small, pity, way, as if people who are only alive on the outside but completely and permanently dead inside and whatever they do they do mostly instinctively, making a world a worse place just by being in it. This VN doesn't really work in good and evil format, if anything advancing and becoming more is good doing the opposite is bad, everything else just is.  All in Astral aiming to reach Godhood, become creators of worlds, are beyond such concepts of good and evil, black and white.

PS: In Mao's case, broken grammar was intentional, that's just the way she talks. I'm glad you liked it.

Wow, I... I have no idea how I missed those... I guess I really should make sure to do editing when my head's clear rather than after all nighters.

I'm glad you liked some of it at least, and if you don't mind I would like to get more feedback on those parts as well (Characters, story etc.)

I will definitely be making more VNs in a future, I won't let one failure stop me. True I might take some time to improve my art first and to raise a budget to hire some help for my next project. (And of course, it will be GxG, I absolutely love GxG!)

I had upload the Mac version. Again, sorry for the wait, and please do let me know if everything works fine. Thank you.

I will upload it  in next 24h. Sorry for the wait, I had some circumstances and wasn't able to upload it sooner.

Indeed it is simple to export a mac version, but I don't have a Mac OS so I wouldn't have a way to test it. I could still make a Mac version and upload it and I am willing t do so if you understand and agree with buying an untested version. If you are fine with that please replay and I will have it made.

While I don't think any writer/artist likes getting very negative criticism, I do appreciate your honesty.

I am really sorry that you find writing to be terrible, I did make sure to put everything I written true not one but two grammar checking programs and edit it, but I guess it wasn't enough...

I am aware that both my art and writing could use some improvement, and I'll make sure to improve as much as I can before I start my next VN. For this project I didn't have a budget to hire a proofreader, if 17th Astral sells decently enough I'll make sure to do so for my next project.

Thank you for buying it and I hope you still manage to enjoy this VN at least a little bit despite not finding writing acceptable.