This novel truly has an outstanding power. Please note that many feel post-adastra-depression for some time after finishing it, give your emotions some time to balance.
I wish you to feel soon the acceptance you seek, also in your life. Often that comes from a lover, but we also need to find a little bit in our own heart to find someone, and sometimes that is hard but game-changing. (Sorry if that doesn't correlate to you, I don't know you but I still wanted to try some advice)
I wish you the best!