That was funny and unique! But go easy on the exclamation marks next time, they can interrupt the flow and that can be funny but it can also be hard to read. It's like someone is shouting! at you all the time. But that's a minor complaint, I really enjoyed your story overall.
Thank you so much! I was quite worried about striking a balance with the theme. And truth be told I can already see ways to improve and reinforce the theme even more - that land mine should have had a proximity fuse - but I suppose that is the fun of a jam like this.
That was quite sweet, I appreciate a little slice of life in the grimdark future. The last paragraph feels a little on the nose, maybe you could show us why he likes his life better than the one he could have had, rather than just telling us. Very good read overall!
That was neat. I enjoyed the Elf v Elf banter. Some phrases seemed a little awkward to me, like "He said, his voice cruel" though that may be personal preference. A very good story overall!
Great little story! I think some of your words and phrases repeat and things got a little convoluted in the action sequence. I really enjoyed the payoff hower and all together it was thoroughly enjoable to read.
That was great! Really capturing the hollowness of victory through destruction. The ending felt a little rushed perhaps, after you gave your character so much space to ponder the destruction of everything. Apart from that the shortness of your story is a good feature, actually, I feel like as a reader my time is being treated as valuable. I like it.
Yay Rats! Loved this one. The appearance of the inquisition was a little out of nowhere but then again, surprise is their chief weapon. I am in love with our protagonists however and want to read more about their adventures!
That was good fun! The plot twist at the end felt a little sudden, could haved some sort of build-up I think. Nonetheless a very entertaining and satisfying resolution.
Your use of word repetitions is excellent, it's like you take the same word and shine a different light on it every time. And though your piece was very ponderous and deliberate I do think it could have been shortened a little: Between paragraph 3 and 5 we do not learn so much new information, nor did I get a sense of progression. However that is a minor gripe, every single word was a joy to read. Excellent work!
I love the concepts in your story, they really are timeless. Try to think of the concept of "show don't tell" when you communicate your ideas. Readers tend to be more engaged when they learn about a series of connected events rather than being given a broad overview. It'll help you convey the importance of the underlying conflict in your story which is actually really good. Well done!
Reads like a classic 40k story. Personally, I didn't feel very connected to the characters, not wanting either of them to succeed or fail really. I think you could establish a stronger sense of investment if you established the stakes earlier on. I wouldn't be surprised to see this sort of story in a professional publication, well written overall!
I love the tone and the atmosphere, it feels very grim. The term blade-bent feels like it is pivotal to the story yet it only appears in the very beginning and very end, I would have liked a little more explanation or some sort of metaphor to give the term more weight. Otherwise I thought the world building was fantasty and made me curious for more!
I like your interpretation of a shadow stalker druid. There's definitely a lack of clarity: Who is who, who wants what for what reason? The final scene is very evocative and eldritch and ends at the perfect time, well done.
Really interesting concept, though I can't help but think there is a lot of explaining and not a lot happening. It was very enjoyable to read however and that is what counts in the end.
Nice and dark, I like it. A few word repetitions here and there, lots of sentences starting with "his" but that's pretty minor. I like the way the story is bisected by the big bold "Bio-Breach Detected". Honestly one of my favourites so far.
That was a great story! I like the way it shows how destructive and pointless racial bias is without being preachy. Only the theme felt a little shoehorned in at the end though I can also see how the proximity to Sirius reinforces the idea. Overall, a very good entry.
Nicely done! Othromar is an intriguiging character. At times you could benefit from sticking to the maxim of "show don't tell", e.g. at the end of the first paragraph. The action at the end is very entertaining and I like the duality of the protagonist's violence toward the dwarves and respect towards the creature.
A cool visualisation of OPR lore. You construct vivid and intriguiging scenes but they seem disconnected. Still, there is an air of mystery about everything in this story and if it was somewhat more tied together for the reader it would be difficult not to get sucked into your world.
I liked the characters and all the little details, though the abundance of proper names can make it confusing at times. The story itself flows well, good job!
Now that was good fun! I like how you break the fourth wall a little bit. The story as a whole lacks a little bit of cohesion, at times I wasn't sure whether to take this seriously or not. Made me chuckle more than once though. Nice work!
Fun story, I would have liked to know a little bit more about our main character. And maybe it's just me but "Kow" doesn't strike me as a good action work, it just makes me think of cows. That's all nitpicking though, you managed to pack a lot of tension and flavour into a very short story and I certainly enjoyed it start to finish!
Deliviously grim at the end which could have perhaps landed a little harder if the characters had more room to develop. Of course that's always a challenge with these super short stories. Good job, very enjoyable to read!
Yeah, there's no way a story about Ratchet and Gribble could be bad, it's just oozing style. A couple of word repititions here and there but nothing major distracting from the fun. Love the duckies!
This might be my favourite submission out of all of them. Very well written, maybe the ending could have been foreshadowed a little more but the humour is great, the characters are vivid and the payoff is satisfying.
Awesome to see an Infected Colonies story and such a well written one! A little too much exposition for my tastes but overall definitely one of the standout stories! Also kind of similar to my story so obviously it's good ;)
A very cool story about fighting when it feels like you can't fight anymore! It felt ponderous at times, not full of action but rather a consideration of what is important. Perhaps this could have been cut down in favour of more tension in the story since after all it answers a very simple question: Will our protagonist make it? Yes, he will. Although I for one am glad he did and I hope we get to hear from the poor orphans next time!
That was very funny, I love the characterisation of the colonel! Some of your sentences could have been shortened or separated, it can be a lot to process in such a short story. The last paragraph is my favourite, it's to the point and neatly ties it all up. Great work!
