I tried again and download works.
To be more specific the browsers I tried it with were flagging it as a virus AFTER I downloaded it, so it would show up in the download folder and vanish right after. Windows defender didn't say anything.
And itch launcher is still not working though I imagine this is due to itch expecting loose files rather than an installer? Idk
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Anyway was able to install and it seems to run today. Thanks for poking me!