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A member registered Feb 27, 2016 · View creator page →

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Also keep in mind, if at any point you want to share in private what you have written, I'd be more than happy to give you my feedback. If you have a skype, my username is mattomasutamindo (weird name, I know). I've got nothing but time, but feel free to decline my offer. It's not exactly the most comfortable thing to do, I know.

I'd say, based on the information, it's simply a matter of prioritizing what you feel is the better work and what you're better at coding/writing/illustrating. Keep in mind we're not too far into the jam where you couldn't start to change the direction of your project if you want to. If you recall the previous yuri-related game jam, a personal favorite of mine created by TeamANPIM was started a week before the original deadline. Although you yourself are working at this alone, I feel if you make changes while you still can, it'll be that much more painless reaching the final goal.

I'd personally feel more inclined to play a dating sim than a text adventure. If you wanted to do illustrations to begin with, I feel it would be a natural transition to do something like a visual novel or a dating sim. But that all depends on how much you can get done in the time alotted for either one. How far are you along with your current project?

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If there's anything you particularly have troubles on, don't feel intimidated to ask about it. I've been given plenty of good advice over the years with my writing and I've proven to be a very good editor and critic of works. I can totally understand that the hardest part is getting started, believe me when I say that. I think what matters most is to look at what you feel are some good stories and pick up the good habits those writers all share. There's nothing wrong with playing around with ideas you've seen from other writers. It's not always about thinking of something new. What you should do is take something people already know and make it your own. On a separate note, read what you write out loud, get second opinions, and don't be afraid to give it a second or even a third read through. Take breaks, too. Give yourself time to process what you have just written to let new ideas work their way in later on. Overall, be sure you don't get caught up so much on the little details that you fail to see the big picture. I, myself, have been guilty of that from time to time. Focus on what truly counts.

I agree with anthkris. Think of your text story like a real physical book. In a typical published novel, illustrations are usually dispersed when you need to show something in more detail that descriptions alone don't do justice. Like, say if you were describing a certain scenario in a beautiful landscape but use a comparison that might seem foreign to some readers. For a small effort,viewers don't necessarily expect anything close to perfection. A game jam is more of an idea showcase. As long as we the readers get a general grasp as to what you would do if your piece was completely finished and polished through much more hours of work, I feel it gets the job done. Consider a certain style of illustration you like. Maybe something with exaggerated borders, super-deformed features, simply drawn faces, or even a more basic color scheme or layout. It doesn't really matter how much effort you put into it, as long as it fits the style of your game and looks aesthetically okay it should be alright. You seem to be overthinking the whole process a little bit. With a good reference in mind, you should be able to convey what you need to. There's no shame in that whatsoever.

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Well, first of all, I'd love to contribute to anybody's game making process in any way I can. I am an avid fan of Yuri and am quite well versed in the subject. I myself am also a writer, so I often times take some time to look at some of my inspirations and try to see what I like in them. For example, there's the matter if you want your main character to know right off the bat she is a homosexual. Obviously for this jam you'd want it to be obvious to the player even if it isn't apparent to the character(s). Pieces by Takemiya Jin come to mind with characters who are outspoken with their gayness. Then you look at works like Girl Friends by Morinaga Milk or Octave by Akiyama Haru, where the main character with no prior love experience slowly (or quickly, in your case) falls in love with a fellow female (a gender previously not thought possible) and figures out their sexuality as they come to experience this love. For you, this would obviously be a more thought driven story. I'd suggest you really think about your character's personality and adjust that to how she should act to her given circumstance. She doesn't have to be likeable, relatable, or a proper representative of any certain demographic. She just has to act like a human does. How would you react to a situation? How would a friend, a family member, a rival, an enemy, an idol, and so on and so forth. We all act crazy sometimes, we cry, we laugh, but the way we do it really all depends on the what kind of person you are. Try to use a distinct voice. Talk in a way that feels natural for the character. How would this girl say something if she is talking to the player directly, or a close friend, or a therapist. That's all I have to say for now. I'd love to learn more about your story and go more in depth from there.

Ebi-hime, you are one talented artist. This was a phenomenal piece of fiction and would rank high with some of my favorite Yuri stories of all time. The writing was superb, the visuals gorgeous, the music quite moving, and overall I feel there are very few ways this could possibly be any better. You hands down, easily did the best out of everyone. Keep up the good work.

This was really well done. Reminds me a bit of the manga Octave in its characters and story. Another thing this has in common with Octave is that it has a very distinct art style that I quite like. You're obviously a very experienced writer and it showed in this piece. Out of all the games I played of the YuriJam, yours easily is in my top 3 favorites. A fantastic job overall. Keep up the good work and continue writing. I'd love to see what you do next.

I feel like you're not giving yourself enough credit. I am quite the fan of the tried and true yuri formula, and this was a great example of one. While you are correct it is a bit typical, the writing was what I expect out of any good Yuri mangaka and the art was quite competent. I'd frankly love to see you try something like this again. Great job.