Wow this VN's sweet! The characters are great, the premise is a goldmine, and the lore and history behind the premise had more thought put into them than I expected they would. The art was really appealing once I got used to the style. It's easy to get attached to some of the women ;_;
A lot of the sex scenes are very hot! The depiction of the women's lust is sooo good (love the flickering heart eyes and all the blushing). Also, the game had me cackling during certain parts because the sense of humour can be hysterical. This made it fun to play even when there was nothing naughty going on.
However, the game could really use some serious proofreading. Many parts (especially in the 2nd half of the current game) read as very ESL (English as Second Language). I don't blame you for this but it does often take me out of immersion. In particular, some script mistakes kept appearing very frequently:
- Incorrect colouring of text as white/grey. That is, the protagonist's thoughts were mistakenly coloured white, or statements from any character were mistakenly coloured grey.
- Misplaced apostrophes for contractions. e.g. "If'll you excuse me" instead of "If you'll excuse me".
- Missing contractions in scenarios where a relaxed character would be speaking informally. Sometimes a playful character in a playful mood will speak in a stiff way because no contractions were used. e.g. something like "I will not let you get away" instead of "I won't let you get away".
- Missing words that make the sentence broken.
- Using the wrong pronoun like he/her/she/it/they/their when it's obvious to the reader what the right one is.
- Sometimes unusual phrases associated with ESL speakers, such as "isn't it?" in an odd place. e.g. "You like how this feels, isn't it?" (this is not a quote from the game, but I can't recall the exact wording of the one that stuck out to me)
- Incorrect prepositions. e.g. using the wrong one of "on", "in", "under", "above", etc... One example is in the screenshots here on itch.io, where Ruri says, "It's quite an interesting attachment you have on your pants..." when it should probably be, "That's quite an interesting attachment you have in your pants..."
- The script of some scenes assumes the player made certain choices in the past instead of writing/reading flags. e.g. in a Ruri strip scene I believe she referenced sitting on me in the past when that actually hadn't happened. I think the game said I kissed Mia too but I only remember a hug? There were other occasions where prior scenes were similarly retconned but I don't remember where.
- Some recurring spelling mistakes. The only ones I can specifically remember are "liking" instead of "licking", and "*glup*" instead of "*gulp*", in several of the one-on-one scenes during the non-linear section. Oh and one pretty early on, "bobby-trapped" instead of "booby-trapped".
Keep up the great work! I'm very excited to see where the story goes next!