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KingKozuma

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A member registered Sep 15, 2021 · View creator page →

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I see what you mean. Thanks for the clarification and the comments. 

(1 edit)

The rabbit comment was from the perspective of a child who had never been hunting trying to see something from afar, and like the mumble inaudibly comment, this is a human wizard seen from the perspective of a child of a race that speaks another language and creates a corollary as best he could with the use of Free Indirect Discourse. This is also why the perspective dips slightly into Bakar's.  He isn't a novice hunter, he is a child. I thought things like "cub", "youngling", etc were as clear as I could make it in 1,000 words but I'll remember to clarify further going forward if I tackle these characters again.

As far as my utilization of descriptions, I think from the perspective of a child that a fireball being shot at them would create this exact feeling. I think all of your comments revolve around the same idea being that these things don't make sense to an adult character (and I can understand that) but I suggest trying to reread it and pay attention to these things from the perspective of a child who is seeing them as opposed to someone who is someone of teenage or older level. 

Edit: This may have sounded angry and I wanted to stress that I did not mean it that way whatsoever. Thanks for the comments and thoughts.

Thanks.

Could you elaborate at all about what was difficult to follow?

Thanks!