itch.io

Oh, okay—glad to hear that wasn’t your intention. I get where you’re coming from now. It’s just that some of the renders—like the one where she appears to drink the MC’s shot—came across as alcoholic. Maybe it was non-alcoholic? Then there are shots of her holding beer or liquor bottles, and it gave off the impression she was drinking too.

Also, the dialogue about her not giving a BJ because she might throw up made it feel like alcohol was involved, but I guess that could’ve just been about gag reflex. Maybe just something to consider clarifying or adjusting a bit—it definitely threw me off at first. Either way, appreciate the reply, and I’m glad that wasn’t the direction you were going for.

Hey Ekko, I’ve just played the latest update—mainly the new lewd scene—and I’ve got to ask: was it really a good call to depict a pregnant woman drinking? Between the renders and dialogue, it’s steering into some pretty murky territory. Might be worth reconsidering.

Wow…

Slow clap. Insert surprise Pikachu face.

Your first project, you say? Buddy—you’re cooking dangerously close to something special here. You’re toeing the line between hidden gem and “the formula.”

Yes, I’ll say it—Eternum level. Sorry for the comparison, but you’re really onto something.

Visuals, story, soundtrack—you name it, and you’re practically nailing it. But where your work truly shines is in the writing—especially the characters. I caught myself thinking, “Not a lot is happening narratively right now, but why am I loving every second of this?” That’s a good sign. You’ve got some serious strengths here, and with a little polish? Dangerous.

Also, thank you for expanding my Spotify playlist. And maybe a few other things. ;)

 Constructive Feedback (With Spoilers)

Please take this in the best way—I’m giving this because I care about the project. Nothing would make me happier than seeing Astreon blow up.

1. The Time-Skip Curveball

The early structure (mission → flashback → time skip) is fine, but the reveal that the MC has a grown child came out of nowhere for me. I had to double-check if I missed something. A few breadcrumbs would go a long way:

• Maybe mention the adoption during the mission briefing or the call with his wife.

• Something subtle: “We got approved for the program” or “We're on the waiting list.”

• Even just a throwaway line like “you’ll be a great dad” would’ve helped plant that seed.

I understand that the MC is private, but maybe he wasn’t always. Maybe his wife’s disappearance is what shut him down emotionally. That’s a perfect character beat.

2. The Alien Plot Escalation

The story jumps from 0 to 100 really fast when the alien plotline kicks off. Again, not necessarily bad—but maybe seed the tension a bit earlier. You did do this with the first mission’s objective connecting back to the larger plot, which was clever. Maybe sprinkle in one or two more threads so the payoff feels like a dot-connecting moment, not a plot detour.

3. Let Grief Echo

The son’s death… hurts. You made me feel that.

But after the vision/dream sequence? He sort of fades out of the narrative. 

My suggestion:

• Let the MC’s grief breathe. Maybe he looks at an old photo, a keepsake—nothing big, just a small, quiet moment. Those wordless beats can be louder than any monologue.

• Use that grief as fuel. He’s not trying to save the galaxy—he’s trying to burn it down in search of justice.

• Add a layer of survivor’s guilt, especially with Olivia. Maybe Lora, too. Everyone handles loss differently. Let us see that.

This doesn’t have to dominate the plot—but grief should leave an echo. It’s your best emotional weapon.

4. Make Time Feel Like Time

Right now, the timeline feels short. Which makes some of the deeper emotional and romantic beats feel slightly rushed. My advice?

• Add small time jumps here and there. Let us feel like months or weeks are passing, not days.

• This helps romantic arcs too—especially for characters like Miriel or Flora, who feel like slower burns.

• You nailed Kalestra. Introduced later, and somehow my favorite. Go figure.

5. Olivia, Anya, and the Cast Balance

 • I’m not sure what Anya’s role is yet—is she a love interest? If so, how does she fit into the pacing/arc?

 • Also, Olivia felt a bit sidelined, and her lewd scene felt like a quick patch. It was a great scene, don’t get me wrong—it just felt like a “don’t forget about Olivia” moment, not a natural story beat.

 • That said, after the kiss with Miriel and Flora’s emotionally vulnerable moment—followed later by the scene where the MC hugs her from behind—the writing felt like it began to shift. It was as if you lost a bit of the narrative footing that had been so strong up to that point.

Final Thoughts

I’m writing my own project and hoping to turn it into a VN someday, so trust me—I get it. I know how hard this is.

There’s a joke that says:

Devs are coders first, artists second, and writers last.

You don’t fit that mold. Your writing is dangerously good.

Astreon doesn’t feel like just a visual novel. It feels like someone gives a damn. And in this sea of forgettable projects, that means something.

Keep it up. You’ve got something here—and I’ve got a hell of a lot of faith in where you’ll take it. ;)